


STAGES OF LUST

by teaandbiscuitsforme



Series: STAGES [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Cute Kids, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Modern Era, Parenting 101, but mainly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandbiscuitsforme/pseuds/teaandbiscuitsforme
Summary: A lot of time had passed, and a lot had happened in that time. Murders, poisoning, grief, children. A thousand years. Yeah, they didn’t want history to repeat itself so tried to stop everything, yet they just couldn’t stay away from one another.
Relationships: Cenred/Morgause (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin), Mordred & Morgana (Merlin), Morgana & Morgause (Merlin)
Series: STAGES [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913146
Comments: 9
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Cause after all these years, I still feel everything when you are near**   
**And it was just a quick hello, and you had to go, and you probably will never know; you’re still the one I'm after all these years**

_6th July 2019_

_There was something rather sexy about men who moved a whole sofa by themselves_ Morgana couldn’t help but think as she watched Merlin setting up his flat. _When_ did she start to think like that? It wasn’t like he was sexy anyway. Just somehow lifting up a whole sofa by himself. Not much of a big deal, although no one had made her feel like _that_ before. She could feel a light pulsating and her heart beating faster .. no. It couldn’t be. It’s _Mer_ lin. Besides, he had been lifting heavy things all week given that now Amhar was walking they had to put stair gates on the kitchen door, the door from the living room to kitchen and both ends of the stairs, although she _didn’t want_ to _admit_ she did feel the same those times. 

“Dada” Amhar babbled. Morgana was carrying him to ensure that no one would accidentally stand on the baby. He was rather enjoying watching Merlin struggle—given that he was making some rather funny noises and faces. 

“Dada’s busy Amhar, don’t worry” Morgana said. 

“And Dada” Merlin huffed as he moved the heavy sofa once more. “Is _done_. Anything you want to do before we finish packing for our holiday?”.

“Oh by the way, Dylan’s over for dinner” Morgana said. “I was just going to pick up a dominoes?”.

“Sounds good” Merlin agreed. “Or a curry”.

“We’ll get curry at Center Parcs” Morgana shrugged. “So, dominoes it is”. Morgana waited in the car while Merlin was inside dominoes awaiting the pizza. 

“Ah dada dada dada da” Amhar babbled as he chewed in his car seat straps. “Mamamamama”.

“I’m not your mama, Amhar” Morgana sighed. 

“Mama?” Amhar asked looking slightly confused. 

“I know, sweetie” Morgana sighed. “It’s tough, huh? Mama and dada have gone so I guess ... now Merlin and I are mama”.

“A dada!” Amhar beamed at hearing Merlin’s name. 

“I heard my name” Merlin sang. 

“Baby babbling” Morgana smiled. “You got all the pizza”.

“I have” Merlin confirmed. “Dylan said that he’ll be over soon”.

“Okay”. 

After dinner Dylan offered to put the baby to bed so Merlin and Morgana could get on with their packing. They gladly took him up on the offer, and they packed for around twenty minutes before they decided they were too tired to pack and went back downstairs to watch the TV. 

“You guys!” Dylan shouted. “You fell asleep”.

“Whoops” Morgana giggled. “I guess we’d better be heading to bed then”.

“You should” Dylan agreed. “So i guess I’ll see you after the holiday then?”.

“You will” Merlin confirmed. “Where’d you say you’re going again?”.

“Ibiza” Dylan grinned. “With the mates. It’ll be _lit_ ”.

“Tell us about it when you get back” Merlin smiled. 

“Same goes for you too” Dylan grinned. “And you two look _knackered_. So I’ll leave you to it”.

* * *

_8th July 2019_

Merlin and Morgana were up bright and early, happily lazing around the kitchen with their breakfast and coffee. 

“This feels like a crime” Morgana blinked. 

“Huh?” Merlin frowned as he looked up from his coffee, given that it was too hot to drink he decided to stare at it until it cooled down. _This must be what Amhar feels like when we don’t add cold water to the formula._

“Being up this early. It’s the first day of the holidays for crying out loud!”.

“Well, this is the parent life” Merlin shrugged. “Anyway, early bird gets the worm. We need to claim our deckchairs in the pool area and book our lunch. I think it’s good Mike and Kara are going too”. Morgana and Kara were talking at the nursery and Kara had revealed that they too were going to Center Parcs Longleat for the same days. Seeing as the crèche was expensive and the babies were of a similar age (one day apart) they decided to babysit each other’s kids so they could go on some areas in the swimming pools that babies weren’t allowed on like the slides and rapids. 

“Me too” Morgana agreed. “I used to go to Center Parcs all the time, now that there’s some new cyclone thing that looks _epic_ ”.

“I’ve only looked in the spa” Merlin chucked. “But it looks _amazing_ ”.

“Well I need to get ready. You do baby and load the car up?” Morgana checked. 

“Of course, Milady”. Merlin changed the baby and put everything they needed in the car—pushchair, suitcases, baby bag, swimming bag, Morgana had changed quickly and they headed off towards the forest. The first half of the journey went rather well, most of it was main roads out of Albion and into Wiltshire; it was more actually _getting_ to the forest that was the problem. 

“Merlin, that isn’t even a fucking road!” Morgana insisted. 

“Well the satnav says we need to go down there” Merlin shrugged. “So what do we do?”.

“I dunno” Morgana shrugged. “But that isn’t a road. We need a Land Rover for that, not a bloody VW golf!”.

“I’ll try it” Merlin decided. “Unless you have a signal so google maps?”.

“No. Let’s take the mud road then” Morgana snorted. Merlin slowly drove into the mud road going up and down repeatedly, over and over again. 

“This ain’t a road!” Morgana exclaimed. “I’m checking google maps”.

“We’re not lost” Merlin scoffed. 

“ _Yes we are_ ” Morgana insisted. 

Amhar started giggling at Morgana and Merlin fighting, grinning a toothy smile. Both of his bottom teeth had come in and he was starting to get his two top teeth now. 

“Well, that was ... interesting” Morgana remarked as they pulled up to the ‘welcome lodge’. 

“Certainly was” Merlin agreed. They soon received key cards and were directed to the car park, as they weren’t allowed to go to the lodge until after three. 

“How on earth are we supposed to get around now?” Merlin wondered. 

“Bikes ...” Morgana replied. He was an idiot sometimes. 

“What about the pram?”.

“It goes in the bike trailer...”. He really was an idiot at times. “Now, do you know how to swim or would you like some adult sized arm bands like Amhar?”. 

“I think I’ll be okay” Merlin smirked. “So are we swimming first and then getting the bikes or?”.

“Swimming first of course” Morgana decided. “Kara texted me and they’re already there! Come on then”.

At the waterpark, they soon met up with Kara and Mike after finding the baby play area. 

“Damn babe you look great” Kara teased Morgana. “And Merlin, well. You don’t look too bad yourself”.

“Okay, you two on babies” Mike decided. “We’re going to the rapids. Or you could come out too?”.

“Not gay mate” Merlin joked. “But it does sound good. Leaving bags and shit here?”.

“May as well” Kara shrugged. “At least we’ll be near the baby changing area, not like we have any valuables as they’re all in our locker”. 

For the time being, Merlin and Morgana had learnt what it would be like to have twins, and it was rather good. They stayed in the baby area seeing as it would be easier to keep an eye on them along with the pool being warmer. 

“Mama” Amhar babbled to Noah as he pointed at Morgana. “Dada!” He pointed at Merlin and tried to stand up—rather difficult given that they were in shallow water yet _doable_. Kara and Mike returned giggling with their hands entwined. 

“Okay, that was awesome” Kara exclaimed. “Now, your turn. Let’s see what it’s like to have two babies”.

“It’s pretty fun” Morgana agreed. “Although with one crawling and one learning to walk, well...”.

“Amhar’s walking!” Kara gasped. “Already? Aww congrats!”.

“Now” Mike butted in. “You two enjoy the rapids...I know I did”.

Outside was rather warm unsurprisingly being in the middle of summer as Merlin and Morgana began to go to the rapids. They had a sign outside saying “strong swimmers” and “feet first”.

“You _sure_ you’ll be okay” Morgana grinned. 

“Positive” Merlin smirked as they began to go down the rapids. 

The rapids were slippery, sending Merlin and Morgana around in all directions as they twisted and turned down the corners. They soon found themselves to be separated—Morgana being caught up with a group of guys while Merlin found himself in between the legs of a large hairy; Hagrid-like man. 

“Sorry” Merlin yelled repeatedly as they travelled down the rapids. He tried to escape yet he found himself _stuck_ between the legs of this man. The time in the rapids was endless as they went down the fast part, Merlin finally free from Chewbacca as he crashed into a corner, only to be trapped again. By the time Merlin and Hagrid Chewbacca had landed in the landing pool, Merlin was ready to _die_. 

“Well, good luck with becoming a doctor then” Morgana remarked. She was in the landing pool surrounded by a bunch of what looked like university students. 

“You too with the baba” one of them winked. “Still, you’re one _fit_ mama”.

“And there’s the baby daddy” one of them muttered as he noticed Merlin waddling over. 

“Haha, he’s not my baby daddy” Morgana laughed a rather high pitched laugh. “Just a friend”.

“Sure” the first one she was talking to winked. “Well good luck, and see you around!”.

“Who were they?” Merlin asked as they stumbled out the pool. 

“Some uni students” Morgana shrugged. “Rather sweet. What happened to you?”.

“I got _stuck_ ” Merlin pouted. 

“I saw ... with Hagrid Chewbacca” Morgana grinned. 

“Don’t” Merlin groaned. “Just don’t. I’m sticking to the spa and water slides, _thank you very much_ ”.

“At least one of us enjoyed it” Morgana muttered. 

“What the hell happened to him?” Mike laughed as a frazzled looking Merlin returned to the baby area. 

“He was entangled with Chewbacca Hagrid in the rapids and is now traumatised”.

“Of course he is” Kara laughed. After spending time with the babies and going around the water park, they soon hired out their bikes and rode around after dinner. They had a baby and pram folded in the trailer as the followed the bike routes around the park. 

“You two didn’t forget the lube did you?” Kara winked. 

“Lube?” Morgana frowned. 

“Everyone knows it’s tradition” Mike looked into the trailer—Amhar and Noah were both almost asleep. “You gotta take it up the wrong un’ at Center Parcs. That’s why we have bikes”.

“What the fuck!” Merlin laughed. 

“You do mumsnet too then” Morgana groaned. 

“Oxo tower for Christmas?” Kara winked at her husband. 

“Taking it up the arse at Center Parcs” Mike winked. 

“There is no way” Morgana exclaimed at their lodge. “That I’m taking it up the arse. Wait a minute ... where’s the second bed?”.

“I know” Merlin frowned. “We did order a twin room, didn’t we?”. Given that they actually had the choice, they decided they’d sleep in separate beds. They went down to reception and it turned out there had been a mixup, and that all the twin rooms were booked up and they were given a bottle of Prosecco as an apology and a free spa treatment ticket. Although if he was being honest with himself, Merlin was _glad_ for the mistake as he lay in bed watching Morgana sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**I didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted you, don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo**

_9th July 2019_

As Merlin woke up, it wasn’t to the alarm as usual yet someone phoning him—Mike. 

“What do you want?” Merlin asked with a frown. Too bright. 

“Check this out” Mike grinned. Turned out they were on FaceTime. “Look! This deer just came to our lodge. It’s so close. I mean, look at it”.

“Calm down Mike” Kara chuckled from the background. Kara was still in bed as she fed Noah. “First family holiday” she rolled her eyes, “so he’s a bit excited”.

“Same with him” Morgana grumbled. She quickly got Amhar out the cot and brought him over. “But this little one is excited for his crèche session while Mama and Dada get facials”.

“Already on the spa treatments?” Mike grinned. 

“No, we got it for free” Merlin explained. “We wanted two beds but ended up with a double bed, so ...”.

“Yeah, that makes sense then” Mike agreed. “We’re taking Noah to some baby balance bike thing after breakfast, then a pottery session. We’re doing _baby bowling_ after dinner”.

“Baby bowling” Morgana raised her eyebrows. “What’s that?”.

“Bowling with small balls and tenpins. It’ll be sweet”.

“What time?” Morgana asked as she checked her phone. “We might join you on that one”.

“Six thirty” Kara replied as she checked their itinerary. “Noah’s going to have a nap in the afternoon so we’re just going to _Netflix and chill_ ”.

“Don’t” Morgana groaned as she covered Amhar’s ears. “Just don’t”. 

“Where are y’all eating dinner at?” Kara asked, smirking as she changed the subject. 

“We’re doing that Indian place... Pradesh thingy at five”.

“We’ll see you there then” Mike grinned. “Yet for now, we have an activity to get to”.

“Bye” Merlin and Morgana waved as they hung up and began to do breakfast—Merlin doing the coffee and cereal while Morgana sorted the formula and baby rice/cereal. 

“So, which facial did you choose?” Merlin asked. 

“Some Elemis handle with care. You?”.

“The men’s one... they only had one” Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“Boo hoo” Morgana faked sympathy. “Wheres my damned coffee”.

“It’s here, it’s here” Merlin reassured her as he passed her the cup. 

“Thank you” Morgana smiled sweetly as she supposed away at the hot beverage. 

After changing, Merlin and Morgana rode on their bikes to the crèche and quickly dropped of Amhar with all his baby things that they needed, before going back to the bike park and getting on their bikes so they could ride to the spa. 

“Bit posh isn’t it” Merlin remarked. 

“It’s Center Parcs” Morgana snorted. “Come on then. Facial time”.

By the time their treatment had ended just over half an hour later, Morgana just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Of course they had to take her makeup off. And while she was sleeping better lately, she _still_ was an absolutely shit sleeper and those eye bags seemed to remain for some reason. 

“And they still didn’t get rid of my eye bags” Morgana ranted as she hopped onto the bike. “Honestly, I’m beginning to think this place is a bit of a con”.

“Why do you think it’s a con?” Merlin asked as he went on behind her. She had to wear tight jeans as she cycled away, her firm ass bouncing off the seat slightly. 

“They didn’t get rid of the eye bags” Morgana hissed. “So rude”.

“Well it isn’t a con” Merlin said as he caught up to her. He gently cycled next to her. “You’re beautiful, scars and all, eyebags and all”. Making sure to hold onto his bike with one hand, he caressed her cheek. She smiled back at him and held his face close to her as they kissed. 

CRASH. “Oh shit” Merlin groaned with a laugh. Given that they were riding the bikes at the same time while trying to kiss they ended up on top of one another tangled between the bikes. 

“Next time, you’re on top of me” Morgana winked. “But not with these bikes. Ouch”.

“I don’t think I’m too injured” Merlin declared. “Race you to the lodge!”. It didn’t take at all long given that their apartment block was in the middle, they quickly locked up the bikes before they went to the lodge, they lips crashing against each other as soon as they had unlocked their door. Morgana ran her fingers through his hair as he sucked on her neck, throwing her head back with a moan. Merlin picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist while he brushed his hand through her hair. 

“Get on top of me. Now” she ordered. Merlin carried her over to the bed and he took his top off, throwing it over his shoulder before he helped her take her top off too. He pulled her trousers down so Morgana was laying down in her thong and bra. 

“Well then, what are you waiting for?” Morgana purred. She gently caressed his throbbing manhood, her heart beating faster in her chest as he removed her bra and moved his fingers around her hard pointed nipples. He plunged his manhood into her throbbing centre and she threw her head back with a moan. 

“Merlin” she called out as he thrusted in harder. 

As he thrusted harder and harder, the only sounds filling the room became those of pleasured sighs and moans. 

“Fuck! Merlin fuck me harder” she panted, feeling her walls begin to tighten. She wasn’t close yet, there was no way she was going to orgasm after having sex with Merlin for mere minutes. _But he’s bloody good at this_. 

To her dismay, he quickly withdrew causing her to yelp at the suddenness as he began massaging her clit. 

“Like this, do we?” He teased, his blue eyes meeting her green ones. 

“Oh god! Don’t stop”. He stuck out his tongue and began to trail downwards—starting at her hard nipples and moving on to her wet core. 

She moaned pleasurably as his tongue manoeuvred it’s way tthrough her wet fold, pleasuring her more as time went on. 

“Get inside me” she hissed, letting out a moan as he thrusted in and out of her. They remained that way for a while, the sounds of their sex filling the room. Spit swapping, grinding against each other’s pelvis’ they were lost in the moment. 

It didn’t take that long for Merlin to come, and shortly after Merlin came Morgana knew she was going to come too. Her walls tightened around his manhood as he thrusted up into her womb, she convulsed lightly as the orgasm overcame her. 

“Yes Merlin! Don’t stop”. 

They had to stop eventually. Flustered and content, they lay down on the bed, lightly covered by the blanket. 

“We should go get Amhar” Merlin sighed. 

“Yeah” Morgana agreed. “Besides, we’re supposed to have the room cleaned this afternoon. You get the baby, get some lunch and then go for a swim?”.

“Yeah” Merlin agreed. “Do some parenting shit”. 

“Yeah” Morgana smiled. “Parents can take their kids on the slides right?”.

“Yeah. Cause the slides are actually for the parents not the baby” Merlin grinned. 

“In that case...it’ll be fun” Morgana smirked. Morgana and Merlin quickly ate lunch before they headed to the pool. As morgana had said, they took Amhar down the slides and he decided that he _hated_ being dunked into warm water at the end when they held him and slid him down, yet decided he was fine going down on their laps. 

After dinner they met Mike and Kara for bowling. As expected—the bowling alley was filled with families, toddlers and young children. While typically the bowling alley had colourful flashing lights and loud noises, it wasn’t the case anymore. The tenpins were rather small and the balls were small enough for Amhar to grip with both his hands.

“I take it the holidays going well?” Kara asked with a smile. Morgana and Kara were waiting back, given that the bowling alley was ‘made shorter’ Mike and Merlin were half way down with the babies.

“Yeah” Morgana smiled. “It’s been good to get away”.

“I’m glad” Kara smiled. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a heart to heart and more progress is made! And trigger warning for miscarriage mention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops I forgot to upload this earlier! I was at work in the morning so couldn’t then, came home and had a call, then decided to go back to work and forgot!

**Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.**

_10th July 2019_

Merlin and Morgana were at a painting pottery session for babies and toddlers with Amhar. They found it rather enjoyable and knew it would be a great way to make memories; having their hand prints on a plate to commemorate their first ever family holiday together—despite the devastating circumstances. 

“That’s nice” one of the workers commented. “Mummy and daddy and baby, so sweet”.

Merlin and Morgana exchanged a glance. While they did look like a family they hadn’t _thought_ about it. How it’d _look_ to others. The sad thing was exactly that—they’d _seem_ like Amhar‘s mother and father when they _weren’t_. 

“Thank you” Merlin smiled. 

“Family photo?”. Morgana handed her the phone for a picture, they left soon after given that their activity session was over. As it was Amhar’s morning nap time and they were having the lodge cleaned, they went on a long bike ride around the whole of Center Parcs. 

“It’s crazy isn’t it” Merlin remarked. 

“I know” Morgana agreed. “How quickly circumstances can change. I mean, I would’ve been sixteen weeks pregnant”.

“How are you feeling? About that?”.

“I don’t know” Morgana sighed. “I’m devastated. I _was_ going to be a mum. Have a baby to love and to cherish and, and now ... I would have been fifteen weeks”.

“I know” Merlin said solemnly. “You know, if you had it _I would be there”_.

“What do you mean?” Morgana asked softly. 

“If you had the baby, I would be there. For you, the baby, Amhar”.

“That’s” Morgana paused. “That’s sweet. I just, I don’t know how to feel”.

“There’s no right or wrong way” Merlin shrugged. “You can feel how you feel”.

“A part of me just feels well, relief. I mean, can you imagine trying to co-parent with Alvarr!” Morgana scoffed. 

“That would be ... interesting” Merlin agreed. 

“But at the same time, I just can’t help but feel, sad. But mostly well, confused. While yes, it was unplanned I still _wanted_ that baby. Imagined what it’d be like. The baby, my baby and well, now it just isn’t going to happen anymore. I was going to be a mother and now ... now I’m not“.

“But you _are_ ” Merlin said. “Amhar’s mother”.

“Dont get me wrong, I _do_ love Amhar, but _still_. The fact that I was pregnant and was going to have a baby, even though it was only the size of a seed _hurts_. It hurts”.

“Of course it does. It will hurt. I mean it was your _child_ , not just a _baby_ but a baby that _would’ve_ grown into a child and then into an adult”.

“You know, for a man” Morgana narrowed her eyes. “You’re _surprisingly_ good at this stuff instead of mansplaining”.

“Well, it’s a wonder you and Alvarr managed to date, now _he_ is a mansplainer”.

“We lasted for four whole days too” Morgana agreed. 

“So why did you give me up then? Give _us_ up?”.

“It’s complicated” Morgana sighed. “I guess, well. You know when someone betrays you, it always happens at the wrong time, like when you’re going through something? Whether intentional or not, it normally happens at a wrong time? I suppose well, I was unsure on how to react to getting the memories back, then as for when I saw you and Freya I freaked...”.

“Yeah” Merlin winced. “I wasn’t sure _how_ I hadn’t figured she was only trying to seduce me. Sorry about that”.

“I _did_ give you permission to go dance with her” Morgana shrugged. “Well, I was pissed as hell. Then the allergic reaction, it just _felt_ too similar to last time. You know? I just didn’t want what happened last time to happen”.

“So what did happen then?” Merlin asked. 

“I guess well...look any woman _especially_ when they’re pregnant and end up having a miscarriage, you know you’re really _vulnerable_ so that’s well...it’s hard and challenging. So if you add all this on top of trying to deal with your own pregnancy loss and trying to adjust to thinking that you were going to have a child, I mean _you know_?”.

“I do. I do know what it’s like. Grief makes you vulnerable, and well I suppose that it is challenging to feel vulnerable with all this shit going on when you have to be strong. The dead are at peace, they don’t have to go on”.

“It’s the living that have to deal with the consequences” Morgana agreed. 

“Exactly. We run away from it because it scares us, when in reality it helps us to develop and grow as a person”.

* * *

Given that they had decided that they’d spend the whole day with Amhar, and left him with Kara and Mike in the evening meant that Merlin and Morgana managed to spend quality time together by themselves and with the baby. The crèche was closed during the evening and Mike and Kara were happy to babysit, since Morgana and Merlin would be babysitting Noah. As the weather was rather nice, they spent the day going for walks and bike rides, spending a couple of hours in the pool with their baby. They _could’ve_ gone back to the room while Amhar napped to have some adult time, yet decided to walk around as they talked, making sure to pick up a pack of condoms from the shop given that they hadn’t thought to bring any. 

Amhar was happily playing on the floor as he was dropped off at Kara and Mike’s. 

“He normally needs cuddles before bed” Morgana explained as she held on tightly to the baby. “And also it’s eight ounces of milk before bed, at seven and he also needs a story oh and don’t forget to brush his teeth. He’s teething so you can give Calpol or teething gel”.

“He’ll be fine” the Kara reassured her. “Remember, I do have a baby too. Now, you two go and enjoy yourselves”.

“We will” Merlin smiled. “Come on Morgana. Let’s go”.

Given that they didn’t want to take the bikes, they took the train down to the spa and changed into their robes and swimming costumes before they began to explore. The couple began with all the saunas and ice rooms before going to the outdoor pool as the sun began to set. 

“It’s amazing” Morgana gushed. “Just wish the baby could be able to see it. He’d _love_ it”.

“Ooh, you have a baby!” One of the other people in the pool asked. Blonde, around early fifties, with a side-swept haircut. “How old?”.

“Ten months next week” Merlin replied. 

“Ooh! Is he walking yet?”.

“Yeah” Morgana smiled. “He took his first steps last week. Middle of the night, he couldn’t wait for us to wake up”.

“Ah well that is adorable but _don’t let anyone tell you that your baby will be a sleepwalker and you’ll never get a full nights sleep ever again”._

“Right...” Merlin drawled. “Thanks for the ... advice”.

“Is he talking?” She asked. 

“Yeah” Morgana smiled. “He’s been saying mama for around a month and has started saying dada too”.

“Oh that’s nice, just _don’t let anyone tell you that you’ll never get another’s moments peace in your life”._

“Okay” Morgana frowned. 

“Breastfeeding?” Karen asked. 

“No” Morgana replied. 

“Why?” Karen demanded. 

“Because he’s adopted” Merlin drawled. 

“Oh well that’s amazing and _don’t let anyone_ tell you that it means you’ll love the kid less because it certainly _does_ ”.

“Why don’t you leave?” Morgana sighed. 

“Oh I am, just wanted to say you definitely don’t look like you have a nine month old, well bye”.

“And good fucking riddance” Merlin muttered under his breath. 

“Karen’s” Morgana muttered as she rolled her eyes. 

“I’ll have you know, my name is _Rhea_ not Karen”.

“How was it?” Kara asked as Merlin and Morgana returned from their spa session. 

“Watching the sunset in the pool, it was amazing” Morgana gushed. “Love love love it!”.

“Except we ran into a Karen” Merlin chuckled. “We were talking about Amhar and she started asking all these questions. So annoying”.

“I know!” Mike agreed. “Ever since becoming a parent well, everyone seems to judge. Whether you buy an expensive pushchair or a cheap one, how long you rear face for”.

“Never understood half of that shit until we took Amhar in, parenting is hard” Merlin said. 

“How’s the baby?” Morgana asked. 

“Asleep in the pram like you said. He’s been a dream” Kara smiled as she pushed it over to them. 

“It wouldn’t be too bad having twins” Mike added. “Well, let’s see how you two get on with two babies then”.

* * *

_11th July 2019_

“So I’ve expressed some milk, he has his milk starting at the end of in the night garden and then obviously goes to sleep afterwards. Well he feeds to sleep so hold him and give him the milk until he sleeps then into the buggy”.

“What about if we run out of milk?” Merlin asked. 

“Top him up with formula, Amhar has it doesn’t he?” Mike said. 

“Yeah” Morgana nodded. “So feed to sleep, if he doesn’t sleep and shows sign of hunger top up with formula”.

“More or less” Kara agreed as she pinched Noah’s cheeks before she handed him over to Morgana. “He’s teething so Calpol and teething gel if he needs it. Mommy’s going to miss you!”.

“He’ll be fine” Morgana reassured Kara as they looked over to the the playing babies on the floor. While at first Morgana and Merlin _thought_ it’d be fine, both babies decided that they _did not_ want to sleep and instead cried and cried as they chewed on their sleeves, toys or Merlin and Morgana’s tops. 

“Why won’t they stop crying!” Morgana exclaimed as she jiggled Noah in her arms. “I mean they’re _clearly_ tired so why are they _refusing_ to sleep!”. 

“Let’s see” Merlin put Amhar in his cot so he could get his phone. “Ten months...which ones do they have so far?”. 

“Noah has his top and bottom front teeth and seems to be getting the ones next to on the top. Bottom gums look red too”.

“Teething gel and then feed to sleep it is” Merlin rolled his eyes. Calpol, teething gel and a few bottles later, the babies had finally fallen asleep and Merlin and Morgana lay in bed with a bottle of champagne. They didn’t tend to drink much but it’d been a _rather_ stressful night. 

“I’m so glad we only have one kid” Morgana chuckled. “Parenting is hard. How the hell would we manage with two!”.

“We’d adjust” Merlin shrugged. “Then again, it’s different with a borrowed child as to when it’s _your own_ child”.

“I guess” Morgana sighed. “I don’t know how to feel. About the whole adoption thing. Because in all honesty, it’s terrifying. I mean, all new parents are terrified of fucking up their kid, but with us it’s different. Arthur and Gwen trusted us to raise Amhar if they were unable to and well the tragedy is that it did turn out that way”.

“Morgana—ask _any_ mum. Parenting is terrifying. You’re _always_ going to worry about the kid, worry that you’ll mess them up. Amhar had a safe, stable environment and he is _happy_. The difference is, most people have months to prepare. Us, on the other hand? We were thrown straight in the deep end at the same time that Arthur and Gwen died and you found out you’re having a miscarriage. Yes, it’s terrifying. But at the same time, Arthur and Gwen _knew_ that we’d be able to raise Amhar. They wouldn’t do this if they had doubts”.

“I suppose so” Morgana agreed. 

Merlin and Morgana were rather frazzled by the the time Kara and Mike arrived back. 

“This parenting shit” Morgana said. “Is terrifying”.

“It is” Kara agreed. “Because suddenly it’s not just yourself you have to focus on, but this tiny human being and well, it’s terrifying. We had nine months to prepare and well, _still we’re_ clueless. But one thing is for sure, parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about yet the hardest thing to do”.

“I thought I was the only one struggling” Morgana admitted. 

“Parenting can be hard even in the _best_ of circumstances” Kara said. “One thing I know is, you’re doing great for the baby”.

“Just out of interest ... how was Amhar last night?”.

“Terrible” Kara admitted. “Terrible. Teething, lots teething gel _and_ I had to breastfeed him as we don’t have formula”.

“Oh dear” Morgana chuckled. 

“Told you it was hard” Kara winked. “But I think Mike and I are ready for baby two”.

Mike groaned and hid his face in his hands. 


	4. Chapter 4

**I’ll have you remember me, one more kiss is all it takes. I’ll leave you with the memory and the aftertaste.**

_2nd August 2019_

After returning to Monmouth from their holiday, Merlin and Morgana were _exhausted_. They’d enjoyed themselves on the holiday, having sex most nights they were there without thinking about the consequences. Just the sex. Not that they spoke about it—and Morgana wasn’t pregnant even with the lack of condoms given that she had gotten her period the second they arrived home and whined at Merlin to get her “a hot water bottle and six packs of tampons and ibuprofen”. So at least there was _that_. Amhar didn’t _have_ to go to nursery although they did send him three days a week with shortened hours so that he’s get used to being in nursery and to help ward off the ten month old separation anxiety. 

Alongside the ten month old separation anxiety came the eight month sleep regression (two months late—and Merlin and Morgana were _not_ happy about it) which meant that they both were running on little sleep and instead of having Amhar in his cot in the nursery that he’d done since six months old, Amhar was back in the master bedroom and tended to sleep between Merlin and Morgana, leading to them keeping quiet on their respective sides of the bed. 

“Do you think we’ll ever stop co-sleeping” Merlin groaned. They were in night nine of co-sleeping and it was rather annoying. While before Amhar would go to bed at six and have three naps—one in the morning, one after lunch and one at around three—he was harder to settle after lunch and by the time he did fall asleep he would sleep from two thirty until four thirty, so not being tired at bedtime!

“Of course we will” Morgana frowned. “Why?”.

“This seems to be the only way to calm his sleep regression”.

“Stop being so bloody pessimistic” Morgana rolled her eyes. “He is _a baby_. Who lost his parents. While there doesn’t seem to be much on baby grief, I think we all know that grief can fuck up your sleep”.

“So there’s nothing on baby bereavement” Merlin sighed. 

“No, there is” Morgana replied. “For parents who have lost a child. Nothing on baby’s who lost their parents”. 

“No other option then” Merlin sighed. 

“Actually there is” Morgana admitted. “Health visitor. Amhar has a health visitor appointment at the children’s centre. With a health visitor or something, they sent a letter. Could ask then”.

“What the fuck is a health visitor?” Merlin asked. 

“Some person that weighs your child and gives developmental advice. Gwen had this birth to five book on a shelf so I’ve taken the liberty of reading it. I will say it is rather useful for learning how to breastfeed”.

“Right...when _is_ the appointment?”.

“I don’t know, we haven’t got a date yet. His one year review or something. Although I am trying to get it in late August. Let’s not forget he had a letter for his CDH checkup”.

“When’s that again?” Merlin asked. 

“Sometime in September, after he turns one. I think it’s on the twenty-third, so I’ll have to take time off”.

“Okay” Merlin shrugged with a yawn. 

“I’m exhausted too” Morgana smiled. “Goodnight Merlin”.

“Goodnight Morgana”.

* * *

“So how was the Bahamas then?” Morgana asked. Morgana and Morgause had headed into Avalon’s shopping centre and had just had a coffee before they were walking around the shops. 

“Stunning!” Morgause gushed. “Oh sister, the Bahama’s are amazing! I mean the photos don’t even do it justice, it’s brilliant! Oh and how was Center Parcs?”.

“It was _great_ ” Morgana replied through gritted teeth. “Bloody great”.

“Oh no” Morgause groaned. “What happened?”.

“What are you on _about_?”.

“That face...” Morgause grinned. “You didn’t, did you?”.

Morgana muttered something incoherent and pointed over to Mothercare as she began walking in that direction. 

“Yes we know you have a baby” Morgause called after her sister as she rolled her eyes. 

“Mithian! Hi” Morgana greeted as she saw Mithian walking out of Mothercare. 

“Aw it’s great to see you” Mithian smiled as she embraced Morgana in a hug. “Morgause” she nodded at the older woman. 

“Mithian” Morgause nodded. 

“Well” Mithian grinned. “I was going to tell you when we went back to work, but you know. I’m pregnant”.

“Congratulations” Morgause smiled. “When’s it due?”.

“Valentine’s day” Mithian grinned. “So it’s still early I guess. See you at work?”.

“You certainly will” Morgause smirked as she followed Morgana into Mothercare. 

“Did you know?” Morgause asked. 

Morgana nodded. “Yeah. She told me when she first found out”.

“Anyhoo” Morgause whistled. “How was Center Parcs”.

“It was great” Morgana replied as she looked through some of the baby clothes. 

“ _Well_ , how was Merlin?” Morgause teased. 

“If you really want to know” Morgana snapped as she turned around to face her sister. “We had sex. Every day”.

“Ooh” Morgause squealed as she dropped the baby romper she was holding. “Damn. Well done sis. How was it?”.

“Morgause!” Morgana exclaimed. “I’m not telling _you_ ”.

“So, did you get knocked up?” Morgause grinned. 

“No” Morgana sighed with a roll of her eyes. Her sister was really fucking annoying sometimes. 

* * *

While Morgana was headed into the city to get some shopping done, Merlin remained at home with the baby. It had been a while since he last spoke to Gaius, so he invited him over. 

“He’s grown a lot since I’ve last seen him” Gaius remarked. Amhar was pulling himself up and walking around as he played with his toys and watched CBeebies. 

“Yeah, he has” Merlin agreed. “Walking. Talking. Well, that’s a funny story”.

“Go on then”.

“I woke up at around four? In the morning, Morgana was getting ready for the expedition. Amhar was crying so I brought him over to us and sat down on the floor with him and he walked over to Morgana” Merlin explained. 

“MaMaMa!” Amhar shouted with a grin. 

“He seems like a smart one” Gaius remarked. “Think he’ll know his times tables once he’s two”.

“If you say so” Merlin rolled his eyes. “He’s refusing to sleep in his own room, so he’s in with Morgana and I”.

“No wonder you’re grumpy” Gaius muttered. 

“What was that?” Merlin said. “Are you calling me grumpy!”.

“No...” Gaius lied. 

“Liar” Merlin scoffed. “Okay so _maybe_ Morgana and I slept together at Center Parcs”.

“Stupid boy” Gaius remarked as he gently slapped his head. 

* * *

_6th August 2019_

“Merlin brush your hair!” Morgana shouted as she hastily applied her lipstick. Social services would be visiting—they had visited _just_ before the holiday and the awkwardness had begun—yet they still did get on, they just wanted the process of adoption to go smoothly. Given that Arthur shes Gwen had died, weren’t applicable for a special guardianship order, and seeing as there was no divorce there couldn’t be a child arrangement order, making adoption the best route. 

While Merlin and Morgana had spoken about it; they knew it’d essentially in some way tie them to each other. Yet if he was honest with himself, Merlin wouldn’t mind spending the next seventeen years with Morgana. Yes, things were hard at first yet it all seemed okay now. Things had settled down. They still had their moment but that was _normal_. 

Morgana had adjusted to her new life well. Arthur and Gwen’s death _did_ leave leave a hole in her heart that she was sure likely wouldn’t close, yet she found that it was becoming harder and harder to loathe the man. Coupled with Harriet’s situation—sweet innocent Harriet having those same dreams about Camelot with all evidence pointing towards her being Mordred, it just _clicked_ it all into _place_. The future wasn’t set in stone, and history was not going to repeat itself. It _wasn’t_ deja vu. It was a new life, a real fresh chance where they could start over and make it all work out. And if she was honest with herself, Morgana was _glad_ for that. 

“I am” Merlin called from across the bedroom, while Morgana was in the nursery dressing Amhar. 

“Ready?” Morgana smiled as she bounced Amhar in her arms. They’d just heard the social worker the door. The visit went extremely well. Merlin and a Morgana got along well and the social worker decided that she would be returning in two months instead of one month; and if things were good they’d be able to proceed with the adoption. 

“We should talk” Merlin said. After a great day, they were laying in bed with Amhar snoring away in between them. 

“I know” Morgana agreed. “About us?” Merlin nodded. “Well, I think we should go for it. _Really_ go for it”.

“Really?” Merlin smiled. 

“Yes” Morgana decided. “I want this. _Us_. Our little family, me you and the baby”.

“That’s good. I want us too. Oh but one thing. We need to get him to stop cosleeping, otherwise we’lo never be able to sleep together”.

“We’ll see” Morgana shrugged. “I mean, it’s only temporary. I don’t know”.

“We can take it slow” Merlin offered. 

“Okay” Morgana grinned as she grabbed his pyjama top and pulled him close being careful to not squash the baby. She placed her lips upon his, quickly withdrawing and looking away. “I need to get ready for bed” she said as she went towards the bathroom. 

“She never can make up her mind can she?” Merlin said to the baby with a shake of his head. Amhar began snoring louder. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst more angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this when my ex broke up with me so rather depressing, enjoy!

**I can take the fall, the pain, the pleasure. And you can take it all for worse, or better. But oh what if we’re wrong? What if we’re not all that we thought? Then we won’t make it along, but I guess thats us ...**

_7th August 2019_

“Well I think it’s great that we can apply for adoption so soon. It won’t be long at all” Merlin remarked. 

“I know” Morgana agreed. “He’s been living with us for what now—“ she paused as she checked the calendar. “Three months? So”.

“So we ought to get on with thinking _properly_ about it” Merlin decided. While they did have serious talks about what their relationship was and all, they _hadn’t_ spoken much about what would happen after adopting Amhar. 

“Why?” Morgana sighed as she slumped down on the sofa again. “It’s pointless. We shouldn’t be doing this, it isn’t _right_ ”.

“I know” Merlin agreed. “It doesn’t feel right. It shouldn’t be right. But hey, that’s life I suppose. No one wants death but it happens so we have to crack on”.

“If only it was that fucking simple!” Morgana snapped. “But it isn’t. So _why_ are we doing this?”.

“Because Arthur and Gwen told us to” Merlin sighed. “In the events of them being unable to raise Amhar, they wish for us to raise him _together_ ”.

“You say that as though they knew us properly” Morgana snorted. “And while I do like to think they did, I am _rather_ doubting it”.

“I know what you mean” Merlin muttered. “Yet, look, ever since the accident. Ever since everything that happened _happened_ , I mean, look! We’ve come so far. Almost well, friends even—friends with benefits?”.

“ _Enemies_ with benefits” Morgana corrected. “I don’t know Merlin. I don’t know if I can do this”. 

“Well, not much we can do about it” Merlin shrugged. “C’est la vie. Life”.

“Well life wasn’t supposed to be us raising Amhar was it?” Morgana retorted. “Yet I guess we have to get on with it”. 

“Someone hasn’t been sleeping well” Merlin muttered. 

“Can’t take diazepam long term” Morgana sighed. “Knew I shouldn’t have lied to doctor but hey Ho, is what it is”.

“You lied to the doctor!” Merlin exclaimed. “Why?”.

“It’s none of your fucking business Merlin” Morgana snapped. 

“Well in some way it is, seeing as we’re together now”.

“We are not together” Morgana repeated. “We are two people raising Amhar. Who occasionally fuck. And also hate each other”.

“It doesn’t have to be like this” Merlin said as he gazed into her eyes. Tears surrounded her eyes. Merlin wasn’t sure if it was from the conversation they were having or sheer exhaustion. “We can find another way”.

“There isn’t another way!” Morgana exclaimed. “You know what it is? Everyone knew Arthur and Gwen for years, _years_. It’s only been months since they died and no one even mentions their names any more. Like well...like they never existed”.

Merlin sighed and shuffled closer to her on the sofa. “What can I say? We’re all grieving. We all grieve in different ways and I guess, that the thing is that sometimes the easiest way to deal with it is to just block it out and pretend it never happened. But don’t hide away, like everyone says it does get better”.

“I guess” Morgana agreed. “I uh, I suppose I have been getting better since. I’m not..well—I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know how too feel”.

“You can trust me Morgana” Merlin promised. “You _know_ you can”.

“I’m scared, Merlin” Morgana admitted. “Look—the reason I said about things before was that I had started to get anxiety about everything. I’d just lay awake at night, just staring at the ceiling because if I closed my eyes I’d dream about absolute chaos. Just the constant worrying too. So with Alvarr, I guess it was a decent escape from all that”.

“Yeah I, I get that” Merlin agreed. “I do. That doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do”.

“Stop policing my fucking life choices” Morgana snapped. “You’re almost as bad as Morgause. Yeah, I fucked up there with Alvarr and got pregnant. Yeah, I fucked up seeing as I had morning sickness and didn’t want to drive so went with Arthur and Gwen. Yeah, that backfired as I only went ahead and lost my baby, but at the same time I managed to keep Amhar safe. Yet not my own baby. It’s just a disaster”.

“Well of course it is” Merlin sympathised. “It is tough. There’s been a lot happening in a short space of time. Both Arthur and Gwen dying, having a miscarriage, the car crash, your anxiety. I mean, on their own those things are tough yet combined together”.

“Thank you for your input Merlin, I hadn’t figured that out” Morgana hissed. “It’s three months today...Three months since the car crash. Since Arthur and Gwen died”.

“Exactly!” Merlin exclaimed. “Three months. It _hasn’t_ been long _at all_. Please, just _try_ to be kinder to yourself”.

“If I must” Morgana muttered with a roll of her eyes. 

They glanced over to the tv where the In The Night Garden theme tune began to play once more, Amhar happily squealing and bouncing in his jumperoo. 

“Not again” Morgana muttered as she began to well up at the theme tune of the tv show. 

“You do know the In The night Garden theory, right?” Merlin checked. 

“No ... why?” Morgana frowned. 

“Well, basically it’s a story about a dying kid in a boat who hallucinates the whole thing”. 

“You’re joking!” Morgana gasped as she looked at Merlin. “How could they do that to a _children’s show_?”.

“Beats me” Melrin shrugegd. “But hey Ho, is what it is. You know” he lowered his voice. “We haven’t had any mummy-daddy fun in a while. I was wondering if you’re up for it?”.

“I’m not pregnant, we’re not ‘mummies and daddies’” Morgana said flatly. “And to be honest, I don’t even want to share a bed with you tonight. You’re sleeping on the sofa”. 

“Fine” Merlin sighed. “Should I do baby duty too, or what?”.

“No” Morgana snapped as she picked up Amhar and began to make her way to the kitchen. “I’m going to bed. So, good night”.

 _What’s wrong this time_? Merlin couldn’t help but think as he watched Morgana retreat up the stairs. 

* * *

_8th August 2019_

“Good morning” Merlin greeted as Morgana retreated into the living room. 

“What’s good about it?” Morgana retorted as she flopped herself onto the sofa. “Nothing. Getting the baby?”.

“Alright, alright” Merlin reassured her. He trudged up the stairs and quickly got the baby, allowing him to crawl on the sofa. 

“I’ll do breakfast, you do baby milk?” Merlin checked. 

“Nah” Morgana decided. “Too tired. You do it”.

“We should talk” Merlin said. 

“We should. Make me a coffee, will ya?”.

“What are you eating?”.

“Not hungry” Morgana shrugged as she picked up Amhar. 

“You’re always hungry in the morning” Merlin scoffed. 

“As you can tell, we have a baby. Morning sex _isn’t_ an option”.

“I know that” Merlin scoffed. “What’s the matter with you, eh? You’re normally _starving_ first thing in the morning”. 

“I’m just not hungry” Morgana shrugged. “ _Issue_?”.

“No” Merlin insisted. “Except you being hangry”.

“I am not hangry!” Morgana protested as she boiled the kettle. “Just need my coffee”.

* * *

“What’s really going on?” Merlin asked with a sigh. Morgana was on (probably) her fourth coffee of the day, Amhar napping in the cot while Merlin watched something on TV. 

“Look—when something like this happens, I guess at first all you feel is shock and unable to process it. You just want to deny it and not think about it. But you can’t. It just takes over” Morgana sighed. 

“I know what you mean” Merlin agreed. “I mean for a short while I refused to realise what was happening, yet soon, well. I guess you just learn to _accept_ it”.

“Yeah” Morgana nodded. “I uh, I suppose so. I mean, you weren’t there, _I_ was. I survived, they _didn’t_ ”.

“That is hard” Merlin agreed. “But look. You saved the baby. Amhar”.

“I know but when things like this happens first you’re numb, then once you begin to feel things again you just go to a dark place, learning to live again”.

“It’s the stages of grief” Merlin commented. 

“I thought I was over that, you know?” Morgana admitted as she hid her face in her hands. “I shouldn’t still be mourning. But I am. I shouldn’t be feeling guilty, but I _am_. I thought that I had gone through all those stages of grief but I don’t feel as though I have”.

“Me too” Merlin admitted. “But that’s the thing about grief. There isn’t a timeline. It comes and goes, like the wind. Sometimes you have good days, sometimes bad days. It’ll all be OK though, I know that. Maybe not now, not for a few months—years—maybe even decades. But _one day_ ”.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to school!

**All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. Bright and early for the daily races, going no where, going no where. Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression. Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow...**

_30th August 2019_

“Looks good” Merlin smiled as he looked around Morgana’s classroom. 

“Better than yours and Gaius’?” Morgana teased. 

“I will say, I am impressed” Merlin remarked as he jiggled Amhar in his arms. “Rather inspirational quotes there”.

“Well that’s Shakespeare for you” Morgana winked. “Go on. You go set up. I’ll take Amhar”.

“Mama” Amhar grinned as he leant towards Morgana. 

“You sure?” Merlin checked. “I mean... you won’t be able to leave the area, no lift”.

Morgana laughed. “Merlin, it’s a few stairs versus a pushchair. Or if you’re that bothered, I can go around the long way”.

“Okay” Merlin threw his hands up in surrender as he opened the door and walked into the corridor. “I’ll go”.

“Have fun” Morgana winked. 

“Actually, can I take the pram?” Merlin asked. “I have a shit tonne of text books to move around and I am not _that_ strong”.

Morgana scoffed. “Whatever you say hun. Now what am I supposed to do with him?”. She walked into the hallway pushing it and glanced over to Amhar as he happily played in the pram. 

“Dump him on Morgause” Merlin shrugged. “She’ll be happy to take him”.

“Of course she will be” Morgana muttered sarcastically as she unstrapped him and picked him up over her shoulder. “It’s _Morgause_ ”.

“PEEK A BOO!”.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Morgana shouted as she held the baby and turned around. She looked back at Merlin who was laughing his head off along with Amhar happily giggling. 

“Haha, got you there!” Morgause nudged Morgana from behind as she took a giggling Amhar. “You like that? Huh?” She said in the baby voice as she lifted him in the air. 

“So you’ll?” Merlin checked. 

“I’ll take the little one” Morgause confirmed as she kissed his cheek. “We have fun together, don’t we?” She cooed at him while he giggled in response. 

Merlin and Morgana exchanged a glance. “Fine” the younger sister sighed. “You take the baby. Have fun”.

“We will” Morgause cooed. “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands”. Amhar grinned and clapped his hands while Morgause took him into her room, Merlin left and Morgana went back to her room and sat down. 

“So...” Mithian teased as Merlin walked into her room. “How was your summer?”.

“It was good” Merlin smiled. “We went to Center Parcs which was great. I can see congratulations are in order”.

“Thank you” Mithian smiled. 

“When are you due?”.

“February” Mithian smiled as she rested her hand on her bump. “How was it then?”.

“Center Parcs?”. Merlin grimaced. “It was uh ... interesting”.

“I take it as that means you and Morgana made progress then” Mithian raised her eyebrows. 

“Maybe....” Merlin smiled. “It was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant there. Things are rather good between us and I like things the way they are”.

Mithian frowned as she glanced in the direction of Morgana’s classroom. She’d just slammed the door. “What’s up with her?” Mithian mouthed as she pointed her thumb in that direction. 

“Dunno” Merlin shrugged. “Sorry I’d ought to uh... get on with my work”.

“Yeah of course” Mithian nodded. “Have fun”.

Morgana sat down and buried her face in her hands after she’d slammed the door. A new year. A fresh start for everyone. Yet it had all changed, classrooms moved around to accommodate the new sixth form hub, new teacher’s being employed as Arthur and Gwen’s replacement. She _knew_ that change _wouldn’t_ be easy—after all, no one said it would be easy, yet she didn’t know _how hard_ it would be. 

_At least Sefa was working there_. Morgana smiled as she saw Sefa waving through the door. 

* * *

_4th September 2019_

Two inset days. Two bloody long inset days, endless meetings and safeguarding information. Morgana and Sefa kept shooting each other knowing looks around the staffroom as did Merlin and Will. Unbeknownst to them, Will and Sefa had seemed to notice a spark that neither of them could find themselves to avoid. Given that Noah and Amahr’s birthday weekend would clash, Merlin and Morgana decided to go out for a meal at the magic horse with some friends to celebrate given that they didn’t know many people, while Kara and Mike would be having a party at a local soft play on Noah’s _actual_ birthday. 

On Wednesday it was finally time for the students to start. While Merlin had gone in extra early to help out with guiding the first formers, Morgana had to drop Amhar at nursery for quarter to eight given it was the first day _and_ he took longer than usual to settle given they had holidays, and she didn’t arrive until five past. On a regular day she wouldn’t arrive until around ten past, yet the first day was always different. 

Morgana quickly went over to her new classroom. Walking across the playground and past the buses, she glanced around as she walked over. Harriet without Lucy for once, instead one of the others in her class—Millie and someone that _looked_ like a first year. 

“Oof, poor you” Harriet offhandedly commented to the first year. “I _hated_ her, but then again your head of year is worse so .... oh good luck kid”.

Morgana dropped her bags in her classroom and quickly grabbed herself a coffee and made sure to go register her form. As she walked across the school she couldn’t help but notice familiar faces—Merlin on duty, Mithian walking around with a smile as she held onto her bump, Alvarr talking to someone who she couldn’t be bothered to see, students walking in some looking ready for the first day back, other’s looking slightly nervous and many first formers with bags and blazer’s bigger than them. She saw Merlin waving so went over to him and they both sat on Arthur and Gwen’s bench. 

“Never thought this would happen” Merlin remarked as he traced his fingers over the letters on the bench— _In loving memory of Arthur Pendragon and Guinevere Pendragon-Smith._

“It’s weird” Morgana commented. “Everything is the same. Everyone still around. Yet so much has changed and happened that well, it’s _unbelievable_ ”.

“That’s just how it goes” Merlin agreed. “Life to get on with, school and exams to complete. But I will say, I have a good feeling about this year”.

“This year?” Morgana scoffed. “2019 has been _shit_ ”.

“I meant exams” Merlin corrected. They were soon interrupted by the bell ringing and made their way to their respective forms to register them. For first period they had to sort out timetables, followed by the “back to school” assembly conducted by Geoffrey. Second period was a half, followed by break time and then period three and four, finally lunch time. 

Morgana patiently waited outside Morgause’s room, gently knocking on the door. She hadn’t looked in the room—Morgause seeming to have a conversation with Harriet. 

“Sorry—Miss Pendragon, is it okay if you leave?”.

“Of course” Morgana said as she began to leave. 

“Never mind” Harriet sighed as she slung her bag over her shoulder. “I mean, it’s pointless anyway. I need to go”.

“Harriet, is everything okay?” Morgana checked. 

“I have an appointment that I need to go to” Harriet avoided eye contact and retreated away. “I’ll see you tomorrow”.

“Take care” Morgause called after her. 

* * *

_6th September 2019_

As usual for the first Friday, some of the staff decided that they’d head down to the Magic Horse to have some drinks and celebrate surviving the first week of work. 

“Don’t mind if I do” Sefa winked as she came back to the table with her fourth Koppaberg. “But I promise, last drink”.

“I’m afraid I’ll stick to my one and only glass of wine” Melrin said as he clinked his glass with Sefa’s. 

“Me too” Morgana agreed she sipped at her wine. “Baby in the house”.

“Driving and pregnant” Mithian said as she held up her alcohol-free koppaberg. “Anyway, so we found out what we’re having”.

“Has it got a dick or not?” Freya asked as she chugged another shot. As per usual for these events, she was drunk _again_. 

“It’s a girl!” Mithian squealed. 

After Mithian’s news, many of them began to leave. Getting used to early nights again was difficult, and Merlin had to settle the baby given that during term time Morgana did mornings while he did nights. 

“So how was your first week?” Merlin asked as they lay in bed. 

“Better than expected” Morgana replied. “You?”.

“I rather like my new room, Miss Pendragon”.

“You do then, Mr Emrys?” Morgana teased. “Hang on, let me get rid of the ‘mummy’ pyjamas”. Morgana turned around as she’s removed her pyjamas leaving her clad in navy blue underwear and a matching bra. 

“I _certainly_ do”. 

“Well then, why are your clothes still on?” Morgana purred. 

“I don’t know” Merlin shrugged as he began to unbutton his shift. He quickly ripped his shirt off and threw it across the room. 

“Good” Morgana winked. 

Merlin leant down onto Morgana and pushed his lips onto her’s. He felt his heart beating faster in his chest at the sensation while her cold—yet rather satisfying given that it was still rather warm for September— finger’s trailed down his chest 

“No” Morgana gasped as she lay down. “I’m not in the mood. Too tired”.

“It’s okay” Merlin reassured her. “Don’t worry about it”.

“Too soon” Morgana said as she pulled her pyjamas back on. While they _did_ have an amazing sex life the first time round, with a baby to look after they only managed to have sex a few times when he was asleep ever since returning from holiday. 

“We should go and get Amhar’s presents tomorrow” Morgana commented as she lay on her back in bed. 

“Yeah, okay” Merlin agreed as he pulled his boxers back on and went over to the cupboard. 

“Except, I have no idea what he needs” Morgana admitted. “He’s a one year old!”.

“I know. But still, I think it’s be nice to get him something”.

“Okay. We’ll head to Toys ‘R’ us then, tomorrow?“.

“Morgana, keep up!” Merlin exclaimed. “Toys R Us closed years ago. Have to make do with good Ol’ Smyths”.

“That’s what I meant anyway” Morgana shrugged as she got her phone. “Online? I have marking to do”. 

“Okay” Merlin sighed as they looked at the website. 

“This spin and ride puppy looks good” Morgana commented. “Seeing as he’s too big for the jumperoo now”.

“How is he too big for it? Already!”.

“Well, let’s bot forget that this time last year we were all anxiously waiting for Gwen _to not_ go into labour so that he could have his surgery”.

“It’s not even been a year, yet so much has changed already” Merlin said. 

* * *

_10th September 2019_

Following a nightmare plagued weekend, Morgana and Merlin trudged themselves into school tired on Monday. Merlin was visibly tired to all, especially most of the students as he tended to snap easily and he had large dark circles, while Morgana had hidden hers up with foundation and concealer. Not that Merlin couldn’t see through the makeup wearing thin over times and her walls. He always could. 

The couple walked out of Merlin’s car and began to walk into the school. Merlin noticed Will and went to the refectory with him while Morgana continued on her way to her classroom. _If only I did die in that crash like in my dreams_ Morgana couldn’t help but think. Familiar faces surrounded her. First form that she was beginning to recognise now. Fifth and sixth formers looking exhausted and slightly worried about their exams. Second and third formers half asleep from staying up half the night. First formers exhausted from the first week at high school as they began to adjust to the longer day. 

All familiar. Third form students that had been the first formers. Everyone changing yet still familiar. All going around their daily lives as they carried bags and folders. Even with the refectory being recently built it still did somehow look worn out. The sun was up and bright given that they hadn’t put the clocks back yet, shining brightly and blindingly around the netball courts. 

Morgana begun to walk towards her classroom as the other students did too. She noticed Harriet walking across the netball court and even though they were _supposed_ to and remind the students that, Morgana decided to ignore it. 

“How are you?” Morgana asked. She noticed that underneath her makeup she looked tired. 

“I’m fine” Harriet sighed with a yawn. “Just tired. Don’t like mornings”.

“Hm” Morgana mused. “I know the feeling. Is everything okay?”.

“I’m just tired” Harriet snapped. “I have to go to class, you have work to do. I’ll see you later”.

“Harriet!” Morgause called as she walked after the fifteen year old. She’d would’ve followed her to wherever she was going yet the bell had rung so they had to go to their class. Another day, another series of lessons, another life. It was getting _exhausting_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy sh*t, I don’t know how I didn’t notice but the actress who played Sefa was the same one as in ‘An Inspector Calls’ haha! Also I haven’t figured out who Mithian’s husband is yet so if anyone has any ideas let me know!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amhar’s birthday!

**You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death. With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite. How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist**

  
_12th September 2019_

Having just gotten in from a long week at work, Merlin and Morgana hardly felt ready to plan a party. Yet they had to, given that they wanted to celebrate Amhar’s _actual_ birthday—which happened to be Friday the thirteenth. Given that they had been having bad luck as of late, they just _hoped_ that everything would be okay. 

“At least we don’t have to cater food” Merlin muttered as he sat down at the table with his dinner. 

“Darling, that’s the whole point of us going out for a meal together” Morgana rolled her eyes as she gave Amhar another mouthful of baby food. “We don’t have to do anything, we can leave the mess for the waiters and waitresses to clear up. You get the balloons I get the cake?”.

“We’ll all just go” Merlin decided. “Put him in his pyjamas and give him his bottle. That way we can choose out his balloons together”.

“Okay” Morgana agreed. “We can do that”. At almost a year old, Amhar could hold his own bottle so they quickly put the tot in his pyjamas and took him to the car, giving him his bottle in the backseat before the drove to Avalon city, making sure to pick up the cake, a ‘1’ helium balloon and a personalised photo helium balloon that they’d done click and collect on. On the journey back Amhar quickly fell asleep and they transferred him over to his cot. 

“I cant believe he is one tomorrow” Morgana remarked as she gently stroked his head. 

“Well, he is” Merlin agreed. “And time has changed a lot and a half. This time last year I remember you told me you wanted to stab my eyes out on refectory duty”.

“You _know_ I’m not a morning person!” Morgana exclaimed. 

“It was worth a shot” Merlin shrugged. “You _had_ just become an auntie”.

“And look how it all is now” Morgana muttered sarcastically. “He thinks I’m Mama, you’re Dada and we’re coparenting with a frenemy with benefits relationship”.

“Let’s wrap things up then” Merlin said. 

“Alright. Well in that case, I think we ought to reassess what’s happening between us and talk more about the adoption”.

“I meant wrapping up the presents...” Merlin drawled. 

“Good idea” Morgana agreed as she made sure to get some scissors, sellotape and wrapping paper. 

“Well, here’s all the gifts” Melrin set them all down on the floor—bounce and spin puppy, a giraffe ball popper, _giant_ stacking rings, pop up pals, hide and squeak eggs, a baby selfie phone and a cuddly hey duggee. 

“I _knew_ we went overboard” Morgana grimaced. 

“It’s not everyday a kid turns one” Merlin shrugged. 

“It’s also not everyday that it happens to be Friday the thirteenth” Morgana retorted. 

“I just hope tomorrow is okay” Merlin agreed with a sigh. “I mean, this _has_ been a shitty year”.

“You think I don’t fucking know that” Morgana retorted. “I’ll do the puppy and stacking rings, you do the other shit”.

“Sure” Merlin agreed as they began to wrap up the presents. 

* * *

_13th September 2019_

Morgana rolled over in bed just before her alarm was due to ring and grinned. Merlin still seeming to be asleep, Friday the thirteenth, Amhar’s first birthday. She gently placed her phone under Merlin’s pillow and walked over to the bathroom and ran the tap as she washed her face with water. 

“JESUS!” Merlin yelled as he bolted upright, waving his hand around so that he could find the phone. 

“Don’t wake the baby!” Morgana hissed. 

“He isn’t exactly a baby anymore” Merlin pointed out as he turned off the alarm. “He’s a toddler now. One year old!”.

“He’ll _always_ be a baby” Morgana rolled her eyes. “At least to us. Come on, let’s go get him”.

In his room Amhar was still lying down and rubbing at his eyes. He grinned at Merlin and Morgana before he yawned babbling away to himself. 

“Happy birthday” Merlin and Morgana beamed in unison, Merlin taking Amhar out of his cot and sleeping bag and taking him to the changing table to change his nappy. 

“Also, I’m making a very special breakfast” Morgana added. “So I’ll get on with that”. Morgana turned around and quickly picked up Amhar’s bat that had fallen on the floor, distracting Merlin for a moment at the nice view before he had to turn back to Amhar seeing as he’d almost rolled off the changing table. 

As Merlin made his way down to the kitchen he saw Morgana in the kitchen spooning something out of a bowl onto a baking sheet. Cupcakes. 

“Cake?” Merlin asked as he put Amhar in the highchair. 

“For breakfast” Morgana smirked as she sipped her coffee before putting the cupcakes in the oven. “Not every day a kid turns one”.

“It isn’t, is it?” Merlin agreed. 

“I think” Morgana said as she took Amhar out the highchair and grabbed his bottle. “We can have breakfast on the sofa while we watch Bing on CBeebies”.

“BE! BE!” Amhar shouted. He’d taken a liking to the annoying twat of a rabbit lately and absolutely _loved_ that show. 

“Let’s open up the presents too!” Merlin cooed once Amhar had finished his bottle. 

“Okay, but only one” Morgana decided. “We have Dylan, Morgause and the twins coming round later so it’s be nice to open some things then”.

“The big one then?” Merlin asked as he picked up the box. 

“Okay” Morgana smiled. “Amhar, come here”. Amhar grinned at hearing his name and toddled over. 

“Happy birthday!” Merlin said. Lifting him up so that he could reach the top of the box, they helped him to unwrap it before Amhar decided that he loved the wrapping paper and opted to play with that while Merlin and Morgana excitedly encouraged him to play with his puppy—not that he had any interest in his toy. 

“Amhar look!” Morgana cooed. “Look! It’s a puppy”.

Amhar opted to ignore them instead ripping up the wrapping paper and happily giggling. 

“I’ll go get breakfast” Morgana remarked as she went to the kitchen. After eating _many_ cupcakes, watching some Hey! Duggee and getting changed they all clambered into Merlin’s car and drove to nursery. 

“So, who turns one today!” Amhar’s key worker exclaimed as she took Amhar off Morgana. 

“He’s spent the whole morning ripping up the wrapping paper instead of being interested in his toys” Morgana chuckled with a roll of her eyes. “We had planned to only open up one...he even wasn’t interested in his bounce and spin puppy, I mean you always say he loves it here!”.

“I’m sure he’ll take an interest to it soon” she smiled sympathetically. “And if not ... well at least it won’t drive you crazy with the noise” she grinned. “Any plans for today then after work?.”

“Yeah, we’re going to the magic horse for a meal then we’re heading home with his half-brothers and they’ll probably play with him. I mean they absolutely dote on him”.

“That’s nice to see. Well, Amhar say bye bye to mama!”.

“Bye” Amhar waved as he was out down and went over to the puppy. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot to ask” Morgana added. “Formula, are you going to stop providing it?”.

“Next week” the key worker confirmed. “We switch to cows milk in a cup after one. If you want him to still have formula then you have to provide it”.

“Okay, thank you. We’re planning on dropping down to two bottles a day so. Well, bye bye baby”.

After work Merlin and Morgana quickly made their way home and changed Amhar. At one years old, he tended to do a lot of messy play and loved it, so they’d normally send him in with dungarees sets or a bodysuit and joggers with a jumper from Asda or Tesco, so they made sure to change him into a bodysuit and dungarees from Jojo maman Bebe for his birthday meal—given that they preferred to dress him up rather fancy for the weekend. They also made sure to grab the cake out of the fridge before they went down to The Magic Horse, arriving at around the same time as all the others they’d invited—Mithian, Morgause, the twins and Elaine, Dylan, Catrina and baby Noah with his parents. 

“Well” Merlin toasted after dinner as he stood up with a glass of champagne. “It’s been a long year there is _no denying that_ but also a good year. This time last year we’d just gone to Birmingham to see Amhar in the NICU and Gwen after her c-section. Followed by that _long hard_ day when he had his surgery”.

“There’s no denying that it’s been one hell of a year with _many_ ups and downs” Morgana continued. “Loosing Arthur and Gwen. Finding out about Dylan, Gideon and Leon—which had been amazing. And this little guy—he brought goodness to us during those tough times. About how light can still carry on even after death; and Amhar is proof of this”.

“GAGAGGA!” Amhar shouted with a grin as he buried his face in Morgana’s chest. 

“And it’s made us realise” Merlin paused for a minute as he looked at Morgana and Amhar, then the photo balloon. On one side it had a picture of Arthur and Gwen with newborn Amhar, the other side had a picture of Morgana and Merlin holding Amhar with Gideon, Leon and Dylan; taken on the day of the funeral. “Just how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist. How life can go by so quickly and just change so much over time. To Arthur, Gwen and Amhar”. He toasted. 

“To Arthur, Gwen and Amhar” Everyone toasted too. 

The waiter soon came holding the birthday cake—a small blue roses ombré cake with a ‘1’ candle on top as everyone began to sing Happy Birthday to Amhar. Morgause and Dylan made sure to film it, Amhar blowing out the candle himself with encouragement from Merlin and Morgana before they all ate their cake for dessert. 

After dinner, Dylan, the twins, Morgause, Mithian and Catrina went back to the house for tea and to spend time together as a family. Mithian came along too as she wasn’t drinking and Morgause had had quite a few glasses of wine, so they came together. They would’ve invited Kara, Mike and Noah but Noah went to bed early so they went home. 

Amhar ended up being extremely spoilt by everyone—while Mike and Kara knew how annoying large toys could be so settled on a pull along toy phone. Morgause went overboard and bought a push along vtech Walker, the twins bought a vtech light-up football goal, Dylan bought him a ride on alphabet train (that also made _a lot_ of noise and flashing lights), while Mithian had bought the worst toy of all—a fisher price cookie jar which Amhar decided he loved—seeing as it had the most _annoying_ songs on it. 

“Don’t worry Mithian, paybacks coming soon” Morgana smirked while poor Mithian looked perplexed. 

“What ... what have I done?” She asked worriedly. 

“When your daughter is born, I will find every annoying toy in existence and make sure to buy it as a gift for her” Morgana grinned. 

“Let the toy wars begin” Mithian agreed. 

* * *

_14th September 2019_

The next morning was Noah’s birthday party. Given that Kara knew a lot of the mums at the nursery, a lot more people were there while Merlin and Morgana had yet to meet many of the parents. The party was at a soft play for babies and all the parents went into the baby area with their kids while trying to stop the other toddlers with awol parents stomping on the crawling babies. 

“I wanted to say” Kara sighed after she’d plonked Noah in the ball pit with Amhar. “That the speech yesterday was really ... eye opening, I guess you could say. That and I wanted you to know that I’m here for you, whether you wanted a night off or anything”.

“Thank you” Morgana smiled. “That’s really nice of you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snapchat memories came up with a video of an advert for the bounce and spin puppy thing and at first it’s an adult riding a spinning bull and then turns to a puppy and there’s a baby bouncing at the end so I had to use that as his main present LMAO


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alvarr is a prick, Amhar doesn’t sleep and there’s a bit of guilt too

**Let me sleep, I am tired of my grief and I would like you. To love me, to love me, to love me. These are the nights when these woods sigh. Come with me, there are people who cannot speak without smiling, but they would try to take me from your hand. Oh they would try, they would try. This is the murmur of the land. This is the sound of love’s marching band. And how I sing you like a song I heard, when I was young. And buried for a night like this. Buried for a night like this**

_18th September 2019_

Morgana sighed as she unstrapped Amhar from his car seat and took him into the nursery, walking over to the baby room. Amhar cried and chewed onto Morgana’s top, protesting and clinging to her as she tried to put him down. 

“Come on Amhar” Morgana sighed. “It’s time to go now. Go to Sarah” Sarah was Amhar’s key worker and main carer, as well as Amhar’s favourite nursery teacher and he tended to go to her first over any others if he was upset and wanted comfort. 

“Come on Amhar, come to Sarah” she encouraged. Amhar gave her a chubby hand and still clung to Morgana with his head on her shoulder. 

“So how’s moving him to the toddler room going to work then?” Morgana sighed. 

“I thought we already said, but we keep babies in the baby room until they’re two, then the toddler room for two to three and then the preschool room at three to four”.

“Ah” Morgana blinked. “That makes sense. I think you mentioned it but he hasn’t been sleeping so I’m a bit tired”.

“Probably getting his molars in” Sarah shrugged. “He hasn’t been napping in the morning as you know, and he seems to like his cows milk, as you don’t use formula anymore?”.

“Well only for bedtime and in the morning with breakfast” Morgana explained. “But he’s been fine with dropping his daytime feeds”.

“I’d say he’s teething then” Sarah decided. “We’ll see how he is with a teether toy and then try teething granules later”.

“He _has_ been pulling on his ears and chewing onto everything, so he must be”.

After Sarah had come back with a teething toy Amhar reluctantly went over and Morgana managed to escape to the car where Merlin was waiting. 

“You took a while” Merlin remarked. 

“That’s it, I’ve had it” Morgana sighed. “I’m getting some nytol, I’ll give him Calpol and teething granules before bed and that’s it. He is going back in his cot. No more co-sleeping”. Amhar ended up going into Merlin and Morgana’s bed as he would keep waking up throughout the night and both Merlin and Morgana had gotten fed up of walking back and forth to the nursery. 

“He has his bat, he has his bunny, he’ll be perfectly fine” Merlin sighed. “Don’t start on the mum guilt” the corners of his lips twitched up. 

“Fuck off” Morgana jokingly rolled her eyes and yawned. “Also, let’s visit Arthur and Gwen after work. We haven’t seen them in a while”.

“Okay” Merlin agreed. “We can take Amhar too. Shit I uh...I just realised”.

“Well out with it then” Morgana snapped. 

“We didn’t take Amhar to see Arthur and Gwen on his birthday” Merlin said quietly as he drove towards work. 

“Shit” Morgana whispered. “I forgot about that.. shit. How _could_ we do that?”.

“We forget the reason we’re in this position anyway. Because of Arthur and Gwen dying. If they didn’t die, what would life be like now?”.

“We’d still be trying to kill each other and I’d be carrying Alvarr’s kid” Morgana sighed. “And ... in all honesty I’m glad. I didn’t want to have the baby with Alvarr. Court battles and whatnot, yet I wouldn’t be able to go through with abortion. It’s almost ... almost like everything has”.

“Fallen into place” Merlin completed. “Well, we’ll pick Amhar up, graveyard, go to Boots for some Nytol and then home”.

“Get a takeaway too then” Morgana shrugged. “But first, coffee”.

After temporarily parting ways to go to their respective classrooms, Merlin and Morgana soon met again in the staffroom at breaktime as they made themselves a coffee. 

“Ay up then” Alvarr greeted as he walked over to Morgana. “So, DofE. I’ve got most of my sign ups done and it’s looking to be a good year. April for Silver practice, bank holiday weekend for bronze practice. Is this the year you finally come on gold?”.

“Actually...” Morgana smirked. “No. I’m _not_ going this year”.

“Why?” Alvarr asked with a scowl. 

“Because I’ve _quit_ ” Morgana repeated. 

“Why?” Alvarr asked, his lip turning up into a snarl. “It’s not because of Merlin, is it? We used to have a lot of fun, you know we _could_ again”.

“Alvarr, leave me alone” Morgana exclaimed. “I have a baby to look after, and I simply don’t want to. It was good but I am _sick_ of you and your bullshit”.

“Well you weren’t before, _were you?”_ Alvarr retorted. “But if you say so” he gave Merlin a dirty look as he stormed off. 

“What a wanker” Merlin exclaimed. 

Lunch time rolled around quickly and just as expected, Alvarr was annoying, Freya was trying to seduce Merlin while Morgause, Sefa and Will stood in a corner giggling, Mithian somewhat joining in as she devoured her lunch. 

“Alvarr, no means _no_ ” Morgana repeated. “I don’t want to go, I don’t _have_ to go, and I am _not_ going”.

“But come on” Alvarr sighed. “You and me. Together. The dream team. What’s happened, babe? What changed?”.

“I don’t know, Alvarr, you tell me” Morgana retorted. “My brother and sister in law died, their will started for Merlin and I to raise the baby together and that is what’s happening. So calm the fuck _down_ ”.

Alvarr grunted and turned around to Freya. “Freya, would you do the honour of accompanying me on the expeditions?”.

“Of course I shall” Freya smiled sweetly as she batted her eyelids and held her hand out for him to kiss. They both kept their eyes on Merlin and Morgana who simply rolled their eyes at each other as they shook their heads. 

“Well...that was _pathetic_ ” Merlin sighed at the end of day as they sat in the car. 

“I know” Morgana agreed. “Pick me up a pack of ibuprofen, will you? Oh and some super tampax, regular tampax, always memory foam overnight, also make sure it’s the 50mg Nytol otherwise it’s two tablets”.

“Just come with me” Merlin sighed. 

* * *

Once they’d picked Amhar up Merlin drove over to the cemetery and holding onto Amhar’s hand they took the familiar path to Arthur and Gwen’s graves. 

“Hey big bro” Morgana greeted. “We brought Amhar to see you today. Amhar is now a whole year old, and in four days it’ll have been a year since his surgery. He’s here to see you, his daddy. We’re trying, looking at the adoption too but we think it’s too soon”. 

“Daddy?” Amhar asked as he pointed at the grave then Merlin. “Hehe, dada”.

After Amhar had started getting tired they went back home for their dinner, the baby going to bed at his usual time while Merlin and Morgana went slightly later. In line with their new bedtime routine, Amhar had a bottle of milk and then read “That’s not my bat” with Morgana and Merlin. 

“That’s my bat!” Morgana gasped. “His wings are so fluffy”. Amhar giggled as he cuddled his own bat and rubbed the bat’s wings, _finally_ settling down happily for once with his bunny too. 

“Well here’s to a peaceful night” Morgana toasted as she and Merlin held their glasses of water in one hand, their Nytol pill in the palm of the other one. 

“Here’s to a peaceful night” Merlin agreed as they clinked their glasses and swallowed their pills, finally falling asleep for the first time in ages which was _much needed._

* * *

19th September 2019

“I have magic, Merlin. Uther hates me and everyone like me why should I feel any different about him?!” Morgana exclaimed. 

“You of all people could change Uther’s mind, but doing this. Using magic like this will only harden his heart!” Merlin exclaimed. 

“You don’t have magic Melrin. How could you hope to understand?” Morgana scoffed. 

“I do understand, believe me!” Merlin insisted. 

...

“ _What do you want, Merlin?” Morgana sighed with a roll of her eyes._

_“Arthur send me” Merlin replied. “He wanted to make sure you were okay”._

_“How very thoughtful of him” Morgana mocked._

_“Well, he cares for you. Gwen too, they’re your friends Morgana. They’ve always been loyal to you”._

_“Why are you telling me this?” Morgana snapped as she picked up some sticks._

_“Because ... I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt their friends”._

“ _No you just poison them” Morgana retorted._

...

“ _I blame myself for what you’ve become but ... this has to end”._

_“I’m a high priestess, no mortal blade can kill me” Morgana boasted._

_Merlin plunged the sword into her and Morgana gasped._

_“This is no mortal blade. Like yours, it was forged in a dragon’s breath”. Merlin held Morgana and glanced into her eyes as she slipped away._

...

“ _But I fear that your futures are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love” Kilgharrah boomed._

Merlin gasped. He looked around the room. Light off, baby snoring over the baby monitor, still dark. He rolled over and checked his phone. Five-fifty. Almost time to get up, yet despite having a good solid night off sleep Merlin was still surprisingly tired so went back to bed. 

“Come on lazy bones, wake up” Morgana grinned as Merlin squeezed his eyes against the light. “It’s a Thursday, you have a free period cause rugby is cancelled for a study session with some visitor bloke and all. And look who’s awake!” Morgana beamed at the baby in her arms. Amhar looked less tired as he grinned a toothy grin and Morgana put him down on the bed. 

“Still tired” Merlin murmured into his pillow. 

“Well eat some breakfast and drink some coffee” Morgana shrugged as she picked up the baby. “I need to prepare him a bottle anyway”.

Kilgharrah’s words echoed around his head. _I fear that your future’s are now joined forever. She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love._

_Maybe it would be OK_ Merlin thought with a smile as he walked into the kitchen. 


	9. Chapter 9

  
**You were alone left out in the cold, clinging to the ruin of your broken home. Too lost and hurting to carry your load, we all need someone to hold. You’ve been fighting the memory all on your own—nothing worsens, nothing grows. I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain; we all need someone to stay**

_1st October 2019_

“Ahh, I love autumn” Sefa announced as she sipped at her pumpkin spice latte. 

“You could’ve gotten me one” Morgana scowled. Seeing as she had to take Amhar to nursery, while she used to have time to stop at the Starbucks drive through she couldn’t anymore as there simply wasn’t time. 

“Calm your tits” Sefa chuckled. “I did”.

“Thank you” Morgana smiled. “If I thought I needed coffee pre-baby then I _definitely_ do now. Exhaustion overload”.

“Thanks for the tip” Mithian grinned as she leant on the doorframe. “February baby means that I miss the good latte’s. And pregnancy means not too much caffeine”.

“Not long now” Morgana smiled sympathetically. 

“Nineteen whole ass weeks” Mithian grumbled. “Well, I need to start baby shopping soon. Any tips then?”.

“What do you mean?” Morgana frowned. 

“You have a baby” Mithian shrugged. “So surely you know quite a bit about it?”.

“Well Gwen chose some three in one thing with a carrycot car seat and pushchair. Personally I would’ve gone for something a bit more expensive, their’s was only £300 but car seat still protected Amhar in the crash. You can’t use a car seat after a crash so we used a basic cheap Maxi Cosi rear facing then switched him to forward facing after he was around eight months but he was heavy enough. I-size says backwards to fifteen months I think? I dunno apparently just avoid cheap shit and you’re fine basically oh and keep an eye out for Black Friday”.

Mithian simply looked more confused. “Okay, uh thanks?”.

“Is Morgause in?” Sefa asked. 

“Dunno” Morgana shrugged. “She’s been distanced lately”.

“Well, it is gcse time” Sefa shrugged. “She’s probably stressed with trying to finish off macbeth”.

“Of course she is” Morgana rolled her eyes. “Over bloody Macbeth. No, something’s up and I’m getting to the bottom of it”.

She quickly texted Morgause, ‘ _Where are you? Also, what’s up w u lately? X’._

_‘That time of year lol. Running late, bloody traffic. Severn’s flooded so a48 and a40 are closed and it’s a fucking nightmare lol x’_

Morgana sighed. She’d still avoided the question. ‘ _Starbucks or Costa after work? Need to get pumpkin spiced latte while they’re still around haha x’._

_‘Okay, if you say so [rolling eye emoji] I have a shit tonne to prepare for fifth form tho so can’t be long. Or I could come back to yours?’._

‘ _I’ll put Merlin on baby duty [grinning emoji], we need to talk’_ Morgana replied. Morgause texted back the rolling eyes emoji. 

“How are you?” Morgana asked as she and Morgause sat down. “It’s just .... well, Sefa and I have noticed that you’re acting a bit ... off, I suppose”.

“I know” Morgause sighed. “I know. Look, it’s uh...it’s been difficult I suppose, especially with everything that happened with mum. I guess it’s what with you having become a parent now that I don’t want to watch as, you always were more like mum”.

“Yeah, I know” Morgana smiled. “But there is _no way_ I’m turning out like her. Ever. I mean I know I’m not _exactly_ Amhar’s mother but I simply just can’t imagine ever upping and abandoning him”.

“Well, I suppose I ought to tell you. You do know what happened when mum married Uther?”.

“You hated her until I was born?” Morgana supplied. 

“Yes and no—well, I don’t know. Like most teenagers, mum and I argued a lot. She would just keep on nagging and nagging and nagging at me, telling me that I was doing things wrong and I was a failure with my school and whatnot. She never let me shine, always saying about how I could’ve done better and just we wouldn’t stop fighting. Then one day she snapped, telling me that if I didn’t get my shit together that I would be no daughter of hers. So I went to Dad’s”.

“That’s terrible” Morgana gasped. “I mean ... why would mum do that? She used to be amazing, then well!”.

“I know” Morgause said quietly. “But hey, I guess that, I don’t know, I guess that she wasn’t exactly ready to cope with raising a teenager. Then when she left again. I was relieved that you wouldn’t have to go through what I did”.

“Until you saw what happened to me” Morgana completed. 

“Yeah” Morgause nodded. “And for the longest time, I blamed myself for mum leaving. Especially with the timing, being so close to you becoming a teenager. So the old guilt came creeping back out”.

“Morgause” Morgana pouted. “Why?”.

“But then I realised that sometimes, no matter how much you want to, some things just happen. Things change and things happen and there is no point in wasting time blaming yourself for it, when it wasn’t”.

“How did you—“ Morgana scratched at her arm. “How did you _know_?”.

“Mum initiative” Morgause smirked. “Seeing as I don’t have kids and _you’re_ basically _my_ kid. And I could tell that that’s why you’ve been reluctant to get with Merlin despite the fact that you are making progress”.

“I just” Morgana stopped as she took a sip of water. “I mean if Arthur and Gwen didn’t die, we would’ve still been in the same position. Hating each other, me with Alvarr and probably him with Freya”.

“It’s in the past” Morgause shrugged. “You can only learn the lessons it taught you and move forwards. One thing I am planning to do is write a letter to Arthur and Gwen—I suggest you do similarly—as this can really help us to accept what has happened”.

“I think I like that idea” Morgana smiled. Letters. Writing letters could be helpful, especially saying something to someone that you can’t say, just seeing it could help. As Morgause left Morgana got out some pen and paper and began to write. 

* * *

_5th October 2019_

“We should go for a walk” Morgana decided. “In the Northern Plains, seeing as now it’s October and basically rather autumnal I thought it’d be good. No pram, we wouldn’t be able to get it up there”.

“Sure, sounds good” Merlin smiled. “Just need to find my wellies. Amhar has some doesn’t he?”.

“I picked up the most _adorable_ little Thomas the tank engine light up wellies” Morgana gushed. “He’ll _love_ them. I have my hunters so we shall head off”.

“Omg! Those are adorable!” Merlin squealed as Morgana put the wellies on Amhar’s feet. 

“I know” Morgana smirked. “Also, we should talk”.

Merlin drove them over to the Northern Plains and near his old apartment where he liked to go for walks. Amhar toddled in between them and they held onto his hands and swung him which he absolutely loved as he played in the leaves. 

“What’s going on with us?” Morgana asked. “I mean, I want us to be together. And I guess that we are. But still, I mean, you know? What’s well, what’s _happening_?”.

“I get you” Merlin agreed. “I mean, I want us to be together, stay together and be Amhar’s parents together”.

“I want that too” Morgana whispered. 

Amhar grinned as he saw them kissing each other. 

“So, we’re together then?” Merlin checked. “Officially, _officially_ together. Couple with a baby not just two ‘friends’ raising a baby”.

“We are” Morgana smiled. “Besides, he’s a toddler now, no more baby in the house”.

“No more baby in the house” Merlin repeated. “Well, what’s that supposed to be about baby?”.

“Go free up your vibe stop acting crazy” Morgana grinned with a roll of her eyes. “I guess that well, I know that if Arthur and Gwen didn’t die that we wouldn’t be a thing, so, I mean do you get me?”.

“Yeah. Our happiness came around as the result of a tragedy, so it just feels wrong”.

“More or less” Morgana shrugged. “But nonetheless, if we are to go through with this you need to understand that we’re in this for the long run. We need to stick together, give Amhar a stable loving home as Arthur and Gwen would have”.

“I know” Merlin sighed. “Look, I know that we want Amhar to be raised as normally as possible given his circumstances. Yet we’re now the parents, and if I’m being honest as long as he’s healthy, fed and happy there isn’t much more that can be done”.

“Yet he also needs stability and a loving home environment” Morgana added. “And look, I know that I—we don’t _exactly_ have the best coping mechanisms when things get bad; my self harm, your drinking. But ultimately I suppose it all comes around as a part of a deeper problem, like when we first broke up I couldn’t handle the memory. And I know you were trying to be there, but I just needed time to come to terms with it all, I just needed space and I think we could have gotten through that if we had been honest with each other instead of simply bottling it up”.

“We all need someone there, or it simply gets to much and you’ll just explode. Just trying to hold on to what you knew and have some stability yet it’s all gone, so there’s nothing else to do. I know, I know what it’s like. It’s lonely, and isolating and it simply just is horrible”.

“You think I don’t know that?” Morgana sighed. “I think that Arthur and Gwen’s death has put a new perspective on all of this for me and that I just realised that well, you _can_ control your own future”.

“And remembering that the past isn’t what it seems, the future isn’t set in stone yada yada yada let’s just ignore bloody dragons” Merlin grinned. 

“One thing that Morgause told me to do was to write a letter to Arthur and I don’t know what to do with it. You take it. Read through it. Let me know what you think of it”.

While Morgana was putting Amhar to bed, Merlin read the letter. 

_Dear Arthur,_   
_I don’t know how to fucking believe the fact that you’re gone. It’s so fucking hard. Why’d you have to leave? Leave us with the baby. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened. You’d still be alive, you would’ve had to ultimately deal with the past and tell Gwen what happened, and you got to escape it. And if I’m honest? I just can’t help but feel angry with you for all of this. Angry for not having control over the fucking car, angry for not telling Gwen sooner, angry with my car for being in MOT so that I had to go with you, angry with myself for having morning sickness._

_I know, I know that this anger isn’t good. So I’ve stopped bottling it, and just learnt to accept that I feel this way and nothing can change it. Yet at the same time, I’m somewhat glad I was in the car as it allowed me to save Amhar. But h then if I wasn’t in the car, would you have still crashed? There’s just no way of knowing but I do find myself wondering. Hey, stages of grief sucks. Then again I’m angry at myself for not trusting my instincts. I hadn’t been sleeping well for a few days before the crash (whether pregnancy related or not, no idea)_.

_But I will say that there is one good thing that has come out of this. Merlin. We decided that we’d try to get along and coparent Amhar. It has been going OK, much better than expected. We’ve been good together, and if I’m being honest I don’t think our love never went away, and that this gave us the kick up the arse that we needed. All I know is that I’m falling for him, and I don’t know if I can stop myself from that. Except I don’t know what our relationship is, I mean i want it but I don’t know if he feels the same_

_That’s all for now,_   
_Love, Morgana x_

“I read your letter” Merlin commented as they sat up in bed. Morgana was reading a book while Merlin was on his phone. 

“Did you?” Morgana asked. She briefly looked over at him, closed her book and took off her glasses. “What did you think?”.

“I think that all your feelings are valid and that you’ve been doing well”.

“I think the same goes for you too” Morgana smiled. 

“And I also wanted to say, I love you”.

“I love you too” Morgana whispered. 

* * *

_7th October 2019_

Being an odd numbered year, it was the year of the whole school photos. They’d be up on a stand again, as they had been three years ago. 

“Remember three years ago?” Merlin chuckled as they watched the stand being put up. 

“I do” Morgana smiled fondly at the memory. “Gwen third wheeling”.

“She was gagging at our flirting” Merlin chuckled. “How was that two whole years ago? We’ve been working here for two whole years! _Blimey_ ”.

“Time flies” Morgana agreed. “Everyone used to be so small, now they’ve all grown up a bit. We were just kids in love ourselves”.

“We still are, I guess” Merlin smiled. The bell had rung, it was time to get to class. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all those celebrating! And for those who aren’t, hope you all have a good day! As a ‘gift’ I’ve decided to post two chapters today, with the first one being at my usual time of around 9am GMT (provided I’m not at work or college!), second one will be out at 1pm GMT


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Social services visit which leads to a rather ^interesting^ conversation (alongside a major plot twist too)

**They say it’s a matter of time, a thousand days and the sun won’t shine before I’m coming back to you. And I’m happy, nothing’s going to stop me, I’m making my way home, I’m making my way. For your love I will go far, I wanna be wherever you are, I know I’m coming back for you. Our love is a river long, the best right in a million wrongs, I know I’m coming back to you**

_12th October 2019_

“Come on, _Mer_ lin” Morgana snapped. “Lamia will be here soon and I don’t want her to think we live in a fucking doghouse”. Lamia was their social worker and was helping them throughout the process. Lamia had been rather helpful and thought that they were ready to get the adoption done yet Merlin and Morgana had their doubts so she decided to do a few more home visits to make sure everything was OK. 

“I’m hurrying” Merlin insisted as he quickly grabbed the laundry basket and ran across the living room. Failing to notice the edge of Amhar’s bounce puppy, he caught his foot on the edge of it and went flying with all the clothes. “Why do we have so many fucking baby toys!”.

“Because we have a baby” Morgana rolled her eyes as she began to help pick up the clothes. “Who has three doting older brothers, an aunt that is obsessed with spoiling him and another aunt that _loves_ to get him the most noisy toy in existence”.

“It wasn’t this messy when Arthur and Gwen were alive” Merlin grumbled. 

“That’s because he was six months old and was addicted to his Jumperoo and tummy time mat. He didn’t need that many toys...well, as for now” Morgana grimaced as she turned around and quickly ducked to avoid being hit in the head with whatever Amhar had just decided to throw, luckily his talking Bing toy. 

“Is the baby’s room clean?” Merlin asked. 

“Why would the baby room need to be clean?” Morgana scoffed. 

“Because the whole house should be” Merlin shrugged. 

“And it’s perfectly fine, it looks like the bloody IKEA SUNDVIK brochure with all its matching furniture” Morgana sighed. “You pick up the toys and keep them in the corner, move the jumperoo into the conservatory and I’ll do the clothes”.

“There’s no space in the conservatory we have the table!” Merlin exclaimed. 

“Yeah, well the kitchen’s big and there ain’t anywhere to put things apart from those _measly_ countertops. So we’re moving the table into the kitchen and using the conservatory as a store room. At some point. That way I can keep Amhar in the kitchen when I’m cooking easier”.

“Sounds good” Merlin shrugged. “You put him in the cot and I’ll move the table”.

“What, now?” Morgana scoffed. “They’re going to be here in..” she checked her watch, “an hour”.

“Plenty of time” Merlin shrugged. “Put the laundry basket on the bed, we can move the highchair and then the table, then shove all the baby stuff in the conservatory”.

“You do the highchair, I’ll put the clothes away” Morgana sighed exasperatedly she stomped up the stairs. With Amhar watching with a grin from his highchairs Merlin and Morgana had to quickly dismantle the table slightly in order to fit it through the door, Merlin reassembling it while Morgana put the toys in the conservatory. 

“You don’t think it looks like we literally just moved it, does it?” Merlin asked. 

Morgana shook her head. “Looks fine. Anyway, I think there are some things we should go through before Lamia gets here”.

“Okay” Merlin shrugged as they sat down at the table. “What is it?”.

“Right, first of all. The surname issue. I mean, long term if we stay together and ... you know, _maybe_ get married, I’d be likely to change my surname. Yet if we don’t change Amhar’s surname, it still works cause I’ll have his surname, so I guess I’m unsure as to what to do”.

“Marry me” Merlin replied shrugging lightly. 

“What did you say?” Morgana sputtered. 

“Marry me” Merlin repeated. “Look, it makes sense. We _want_ to be a family, we have the surname issue, then I suppose finances and housing too can be easier. So, why not?”.

“Okay” Morgana agreed as she put the baby on her lap. “Let’s get married. Eloping?”.

“Sounds good. Before the adoption?”.

“Before the adoption” Morgana agreed. “I think it sounds good but if I’m being honest ... I think we should definitely consider it but sleep on it, if you get what I mean”.

“Of course” Merlin nodded. “Right, finances”.

“Thank god Arthur and Gwen paid off the mortgage” Morgana muttered. “I get £800 a month from my renters”.

“Only £700” Merlin pouted. 

“Ah finally, the gender pay gap has been closed” Morgana grinned. “So nursery fees are .. £700 a month, combined income is £4600 a month plus our flats so £1500, weekly shopping too. Not to mention the bills”.

“Maths teacher to the rescue” Merlin grinned as he began to work out their finances. They soon concluded that with the recent addition of insurance payout from the car company and Arthur and Gwen’s life insurance they would soon be given a rather good sum of money yet they decided to open up a joint bank account first, otherwise they would be financially OK. Lamia soon arrived afterwards knocking loudly on the door, Merlin going to answer the door while Morgana played with Amhar as he bounced on his puppy again. 

“Well, how are thing?” Lamia asked. 

“It’s all going rather well” Morgana replied with a smile. 

“We’re also feeling more confident about the adoption” Merlin added. “We’re ready to do it”.

“That’s good” Lamia smiled. “Are you having any problems?”.

“There is actually” Merlin admitted as he picked up Amhar and sat next to Morgana. “We’re unsure on surnames”.

“I wouldn’t worry about it, obviously it’s different for everyone and everyone makes different choices so it’s up to you of course. I mean, you don’t even have to change his surname seeing as Morgana you already have the Pendragon name, or maybe a double-barrelled name?”.

Merlin and Morgana glanced at each other, Merlin nodding. 

“We _may_ be getting married...”.

“Oh” Lamia gawped. “Congratulations. When’s the wedding?”.

“It’s not certain yet” Merlin clarified. 

“But we have been considering it, it’ll give us stability, I’d change my surname so that way that we’d all have the same surname, the finances and we’ll have a shared property” Morgana went on. 

“Well, if you think it’s right for you then that’s the way to go” Lamia remarked. “But now you can apply for your adoption court order as I have approved you for adoption” she smiled. 

* * *

_13th October 2019_

The next morning Morgana woke up later than usual. She was rather surprised to see Amhar was in bed with them, already changed for the day.

“Well, we slept on it” Merlin commented. 

“We didn’t _sleep_ on the baby did we?” Morgana frowned. 

Merlin facepalmed. “ _Not_ the baby. You know, the conversation we had yesterday? Marriage”.

“Oh, that” Morgana murmured as she sat up. “Well, I suppose I have been thinking about it, there are some things we ought to talk about”.

“Yeah. So, what do you think? About marriage?”.

“I want us to go for it” Morgana smiled. “But you know, we’re going to have to get used to it. _Us_. The long hard nights, waking to next to each other for the rest of our lives. You know, I want us to be able to stay together forever sooner rather than later”.

“Me too” Merlin agreed. “Fuck all that wedding shit. Everyone gets stressed anyway. We’ve been through so much together and somehow managed to stay intact. I trust you, you trust me”.

“We love each other” Morgana added. “I’d feel safe with you making my medical decisions etcetera. And if I’m being honest” she gently ruffled Amhar’s hair. “I can’t imagine life any other way”.

“I love you, Morgana Pendragon. Will you marry me?”.

“Yes! Yes, a thousand times yes!” Morgana squealed. “Let’s get our wedding date booked!”.


	11. Chapter 11

**Who cares bout star signs? I’m hardwired to be with you. You’re like the sunrise and I’m scared that I’ll never get enough of you. Nobody called it a star fall, come out the blue. I’m all butterflies, I’m sky high for you. When it feels like this, like a light came on. And you look at me, like I’m all you want. I’ve got everything at my fingertips. How can I resist, when it feels like this**

_17th October 2019_

“Good morning” Merlin grinned as he rolled over in bed. 

“Good morning” Morgana grinned in response. She put the noise up on the baby monitor, Amhar was still asleep. She checked the time. 8 o’clock. 

“For once, you know I’m _glad_ that I’m awake early even though it’s half term”.

“So am I” Morgana agreed. “I dunno, it feels like today will be a good day”.

“And I get to spend it all with you” Merlin winked. 

“Now _that_ I look forward too, Mr Emrys” Morgana teased. 

“MAMA!” They heard Amhar shout over the baby monitor. The prince had awoken. 

“Well, looks like we have to wait until nap time then” Morgana groaned as she got out of bed. Morgana went to the nursery and changed Amhar’s nappy while Merlin went downstairs to make breakfast. 

“Looks like there’s been a sick bug at nursery” Morgana sighed as she put Amhar in his highchair. “You’re changing the next nappy”.

“Ew” Merlin grimaced. “Is he ok?”.

“Not really” Morgana pouted as Amhar rested his head on her shoulder. 

“Mama” Amhar cried as he tiredly rubbed at his eyes. 

“Okay baby” Morgana sighed. “Think he’ll have Farley’s rusks for breakfast and he needs his bottle. A day on the sofa it is”.

Shortly after breakfast Amhar was _still_ clingy. He didn’t seem to mind not watching CBeebies as long as he was being held and rocked while Morgana stood up, not letting her out of his sight as Merlin changed his nappies. Tired from being sick and running a slight fever, after having some Calpol Amhar quickly slept in his cot as he sucked his dummy and clutched his bat and bunny. 

“Baby’s out” Morgana sighed with a grin as she came into the living room. 

“Great” Merlin grinned as he sat up on the sofa. “Race you upstairs”.

“So childish” Morgana rolled her eyes as she went on all fours to go up the stairs. 

“Says you” Merlin scoffed as he raced upstairs too. 

“I’m the baby of the family!” Morgana protested as she pounced onto the bed. She lay down on her back and slowly began to unbutton her shirt. “Well, come on Emrys. Where are you?”.

“I’m coming” Merlin winked as he slowly pulled her jeans off throwing them onto the floor. 

“Not yet you’re not” Morgana winked. “Do you have a condom?”.

“Shit on it. I forgot to buy some more” Merlin groaned. 

“Oh well” Morgana shrugged as she pulled Merlin’s t-shirt off. “Guess we’ll just have to go without. Besides, it’s _much_ better without one”.

“That I have to agree with” Merlin agreed as he pulled her thong off. 

“We do have lube, right?” Morgana checked. 

“I think so” Merlin opened the draw. “Yup. We’ve got that at least”. He pumped the lube out of the bottle and massaged it into Morgana’s core before he stuck his index and middle finger inside her. 

“Harder” Morgana moaned. She briefly sat up and unhooked her bra while Merlin began to gently caress her nipples as she touched his throbbing Manhood. 

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Morgana teased. “Get inside me”.  
Merlin gently eased himself into her, thrusting forwards. 

“Hang on, need more lube” Merlin paused for a moment and withdrew before he added more lube, as they continued to fuck one another. 

“Don’t stop, Merlin don’t stop!” Morgana cried out as he came inside her. After he came Merlin withdrew and they lay down on their back next to one another as they lay in a post-coital bliss. 

Merlin groaned at the sound of Amhar whining and shoved the baby monitor off the bedside table. He _knew_ that parenting was hard and just wanted some time to relax with his fiancee. He rather liked the sound of fiancee. 

“Well, I’d better get up then, baby’s awake” Morgana sighed. She quickly freshened up with some baby wipes on the bedside table and then quickly threw on a bra, some clean underwear and her dressing gown as Amhar started to become more distressed. 

“Okay Amhar, mummy’s coming” Morgana called down the hall. 

“Well, she was” Merlin muttered under his breath. 

“Shut up” Morgana snapped as she slammed the door and went over to the nursery. “Shit... _Mer_ lin”.

Merlin quickly grabbed some boxers out of the cupboard before he went to the baby’s room. He could hear crying over the monitor. 

“Uh, okayyy” Morgana said shakily as she held Amhar at a distance. The baby was crying, his cot walls covered in sick alongside his babygrow, with a putrid smell filling the room. 

“Oh no” Merlin groaned as he made his way over to the bed, taking the towel on the bed that Morgana had put down and stripping down while Morgana changed Amhar’s nappy and took him downstairs in fresh pyjamas for a bottle. She left him asleep in the pushchair while she helped Merlin to change the sheets and clean up the baby’s cot. 

“That was extremely dramatic” Morgana sighed as she turned the tv on. 

“First sick bug. And _holy shit_ , that was awful” Merlin agreed. 

“Anyway, gotta do some research” Morgana shrugged as she lay her head on Merlin’s lap and began to Google. “He’s been doing _extremely_ well, but with his CDH it’s so worrying”.

“Well of course it is. The baby is sick and there’s nothing we can do. But he is OK, he is thriving and doing so well. He’s thirteen months old, it’s _normal_ ”.

“Hm” Morgana mused. “ _Thirteen_. His birthday was _Friday the thirteenth_. We haven’t _exactly_ had the best luck this year”.

“I know” Merlin quietly agreed. “But I think things have been okay lately. We’re finally at peace, everything is falling into place”.

“It is” Morgana smiled. October was the _prime_ time for sicknesses to begin, with the clocks going back and the weather getting colder. She’d had a twisting feeling in her stomach ever since she’d discovered Amhar being sick in his cot and had originally put it down to anxiety yet now wasn’t too sure. “Fuck” she muttered under her breath as she ran out of the room just about making it to the empty kitchen sink in time. Merlin just about managed to get to the toilet in time as his bowels exploded. 

* * *

_18th October 2019_

  
“Well, that was a long night” Morgana sighed. With all the family having the sick bug and Amhar refusing his cot, they all spent the night in bed together between the toilet, sick bowl and the warm bed. 

“It sure was” Merlin agreed. “But if I’m being honest, there’s no one else I would go through with it”.

“Me too” Morgana smiled. Merlin leant over Amhar and quickly kissed Morgana. 

“Are you not forgetting that I’ve spent half the night throwing up?” Morgana frowned. 

“Honestly, I don’t care” Merlin replied. “Cause for love, there’s _nothing_ I wouldn’t do”.  
  
“Look, we’ve been through what no couple has before. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to wait. Let’s get married. ASAP”.

“I’ll ring the court tomorrow” Merlin grinned. 

“Look, I .. there’s something I want to talk about” Morgana sighed. 

“You can trust me, you know you can” Merlin vowed. “What’s up? We _can_ get through this”.

“You know how uh...I guess, you know how you think you know everything about someone, that they’re this really great, great person. Then you just find out something about them after they’ve gone and well, you just don’t know how to handle it”.

“Yeah ... yeah, I get that” Merlin replied. “I think, in some sense that that had happened with Arthur. I didn’t know about Dylan or the twins, neither did Gwen. I mean, did _anyone_ know?”.

“I did” Morgana quietly admitted. “When I just turned three, Arthur often took me to see Dylan. Well, I remember seeing Dylan, then when Arthur told me a few years back, it all began to fall into place”.

“When did he tell you?”.

“Around the time I got my memories back so...Christmas of 2017. Arthur did say how he hadn’t had any fertility problems”.

“So that was a sign!” Merlin concluded. 

“I suppose so” Morgana shrugged. “How were we supposed to know? I mean, we didn’t expect things to plan out this way”.

“Yeah, you just don’t _expect_ it. But life changes everyday, in many different ways. Even if you don’t see it”.

“I guess so” Morgana smiled. “It was the same with my mum. Morgause just told me some things about her and I used to think about her as the perfect mother until she left ... and now what Morgause told me, I just can’t cope with it”.

“But that’s Morgause’s experience. Yes it’s shit, but still. We all make mistakes”.

“I know” Morgana sighed. “But I haven’t seen mum in what—fourteen years? All this adoption stuff has made me reflect”.

“Well, you’re not your mother. The circumstances here are totally different, Morgause was born when she was only eighteen and she had you later so I don’t think it was inexperience”.

“I just don’t get how many mother could just up and leave their child” Morgana sobbed. “I mean I’m not a parent, but I just don’t understand how they can do that”.

“It’s okay to feel that way” Merlin soothed. “And it isn’t your fault. It’s Vivienne’s. You’re not like your mother, at all”.

“Now, go get me some ibuprofen, a hot water bottle and some tampons before I _murder_ someone” Morgana muttered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In STAGES OF MIRTH I said that Arthur had hidden the fact that he had Dylan for 18 years, and I can’t remember if I specified it but cause Dylan’s three years younger than Morgana he was born in 1997, so would’ve been 21 when he met Arthur and 22 when Arthur died as I decided to have his birthday in March. Can’t remember if I specified that or not before. Also the twins were born in 2004 so they’re 15/year 11 at this point


	12. Chapter 12

**I walked across the empty land. I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the Earth beneath my feet. Sat by the river and it made me complete. Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin. And if you have a minute why don’t we go? Talk about it somewhere only we know. This could be the end of everything so why don’t we go, somewhere only we know**

_29th October 2019_

“Okay, so which costume then?” Morgana grinned as she and Merlin looked at the costumes aisle of Tesco. 

“He’d make an _adorable_ pumpkin”. 

“Boring” Morgana scoffed. “What about Frankenstein?”.

“It’s cute but...” Merlin faltered. “Too green. Baby spider?”.

“Omg mum, look how cute the baby Dracula is”. They turned around and saw Harriet gushing over the baby clothes. 

“Harriet! Hi” Morgana smiled warmly. 

“Hi” Harriet smiled shyly. 

“How are you?” Merlin asked. 

“Yeah it was uh, good to see you but we gotta go. Come on mum, let’s get the milk and go home”. Harriet gently grabbed her mum’s arm and the duo went off down another aisle. 

“Hope she’s okay” Merlin mused. “I haven’t seen her at school in a while”

“I know” Morgana quietly agreed. “Well, I think I’ll take Harriet’s side and we shall go with baby Dracula”.

“Favouritism” Merlin scoffed. 

“Teachers don’t have favourites” Morgana protested. 

“Yeah and we’re not getting married” Merlin joked. 

“Letter should be coming through for the adoption date then. Plus the wedding date is booked and it’s in, how many days now?”.

“Eighteen days” Merlin grinned. “Eighteen days”. 

“Shit that ain’t long!” Morgana gasped. “There’s so much to sort out. Rings, outfits, who we’re inviting”.

“We’re eloping” Merlin shrugged. “So we only need our two witnesses. I might hire a fancy tux, what about you?”.

“I’m going to get a cheap white dress from Primark probably” Morgana shrugged. “Although I did see a nice red Sam Faiers dress in the sale at Quiz. Looked nice, but I don’t know about red”.

“You can wear red to your wedding if you want, it’s 2019”.

“Meh, still want a white dress”.

“I don’t know about you but I find it hilarious how people still wear white dresses to symbolise ‘virginal purity’ even though hardly anyone is a virgin when they get married”.

“Traditions, I suppose” Morgana shrugged. “Anyway, I don’t tend to wear white often. I mean the last time I did, well; that was the car crash day”.

“So it’s like the full circle then” Merlin concluded. “From that day in the hospital to our wedding day and Amhar adoption day”.

“More or less” Morgana agreed. “And, baby Dracula” she grinned as she put it in the shopping trolley. 

* * *

_31st October 2019_

“Look what came” Merlin shouted happily as he ran up the stairs with two letters in hand. “Look what came!”.

“What did?” Morgana asked as she pulled a nappy up on Amhar. 

“Look!” Merlin thrusted the envelopes into Morgana’s arms. Leaving Merlin to dress the baby, Morgana noticed it had a royal seal of some sort on it, reading HM Parliament. 

The first letter read in the middle:  
 **You are invited to Albion court to officiate the adoption of Amhar on the 16th November 2019 at 1400.**

The second read similarly:  
 **Confirmation date for wedding of Morgana Pendragon and Merlin Emrys at 1230 at Albion court on 16th November 2019.**

“Oh my gosh!” Morgana squealed as she fell to the floor holding the letters. “It’s official! We’re getting married! I can’t believe it!”.

“It’s official! It’s here! The date is here!” Merlin exclaimed. 

“I can’t believe it!” Morgana agreed. “Well, let’s get Amhar in his Halloween costume”.

“Well then, if it isn’t the cutest little Drac I’ve ever seen!” Merlin cooed at Amhar. 

“He sure is” Morgana agreed. “Shame we’re spending the whole day at work. It’d have been nice to do something with him”.

“I’m sure nursery will be doing some fun activities. Hey, working parents life” Merlin shrugged. 

“We missed IT chapter two!” Morgana gasped. “Our first date was IT, now ... we missed our second date”.

“Darling, I think you’re forgetting that we’re getting married” Merlin chuckled as he checked the date. “In seventeen days. IT chapter two was released in summer anyway”.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Morgana pouted. “Better be a good excuse!”.

“Let’s see...we were too busy having mind-blowing sex. Also we had to look after the baby” Merlin winked. 

“It was rather fun” Morgana agreed. “Anyway, I think we should keep Amhar in nursery during some of the holidays. That way we can spend some quality time together”. 

“I like it” Merlin agreed. “Or we could just temporarily reduce his hours? So instead of eight till five, something like nine till five?”.

“That’s just one hour reduced” Morgana rolled her eyes. “I’m sure nursery can sort something out. We _can_ afford to keep him in childcare, we could just send him on Monday and Friday instead?”.

“So we get some time with him. That sounds pretty good then” Merlin smiled. 

“Anyway, you have to get to work, I gotta get myself done and get this little Dracula of to nursery”.

“I’ll see you at work” Merlin smiled as he quickly kissed Morgana. 

“Bye, love you” Morgana smiled. 

“Bye daddy!” Amhar grinned and waved. 

Halloween was spent indoors as they did handprint spiders and other toddler crafts given that it had begun to get dark at 4:30pm, the time a Amhar had been picked up. Amhar went to bed at his usual time leaving Merlin and Morgana to watch a horror movie on Netflix, alternatively making plans for the weekend instead. 

* * *

_2nd November 2019_

As the weekend had rolled around and November had begun, it was almost time for Bonfire Night. With Bonfire Night falling on a Tuesday, the weekend before was the closest and thus the fireworks displays being held on that day. Even though the fireworks were going to be near the main river in the Northern Plains, having already been to the fireworks displays Merlin knew that the view was just as good as from where he would tend to go for his walks—and that they wouldn’t have to pay seeing as it wasn’t in the official show ground. 

“Parking here seeing as it’s free” Merlin said as he parked in a car park, before they took out the buggy and put Amhar in it and went towards the path. As it was off road and too rough to push the pram over, Morgana held Amhar’s hand while he walked and Merlin folded it and carried it. It wasn’t dark yet, even if it was rather chilly. They’d packed lots of snacks alongside a thermos of soup and another one of hot water so that they could have hot drinks. 

Merlin and Morgana walked down the familiar path, each holding onto Amhar in the middle and swinging him in the air. Once off the cobbles they put the bags in the unfolded pram and pushed it as Amhar and Morgana went ahead. 

Amhar and Morgana happily jumped in puddles given that they both had their wellies on, Morgana had waterproof over trousers while Amhar had a puddle suit so it didn’t matter if they got wet. 

“Dada!” Amhar grinned as he jumped into another puddle. 

“Good jumping” Merlin chuckled as Morgana grimaced at being covered in mud. Even though he was only a one year old and quite high on the centile for his age _already_ being 12kg, sending a larger than expected splash in Morgana’s way. 

“Fuck” Morgana laughed. “Come on kiddo, let’s go”. Carrying Amhar so that he wouldn’t slow them down they quickly walked towards the River Wye, sitting down at a bench while Amhar played. Sipping at tea followed by soup, they stayed out there for hours, later taking Amhar out of his puddle suit, putting his coat on and strapping him in the buggy with a footmuff so he wouldn’t get cold. The baby oohed and aah-ed at the fireworks happily despite the loud noises and coldness. As for this? Merlin and Morgana gazed into each other’s eyes. _Perfect_. 

* * *

_3rd November 2019_

As soon as Merlin had woken up, he _knew_ today would be a bad day. He’d been feeling off for a few days and had noticed the same about the baby. He wasn’t sure how to describe the way he was feeling, yet he knew that he could liken it to that of swallowing razor blades, or dry swallowing a large pill. Either way, Merlin _knew_ he was sick. 

On the other side of the bed he heard Morgana cough and roll over as she pushed the blanket off herself and onto the floor as she snored. She never snored unless she was sick. _Oh boy._ Amhar was crying softly over the monitor and Merlin tiptoed out of bed to the baby’s room. He was sat up in his cot which was rather unusual for him given that he loved standing up. 

“Dada” Amhar said pitifully with a pout. He coughed a few times and his breathing was raspy. Oh boy. The baby got sick too. 

“Come here sweetie” Merlin sighed as he picked up Amhar. Too tired to do anything, he quickly looked in the drawer under his changing table where they kept a small unopened bottle of readymade formula, poured it into a bottle and took Amhar over to the master bedroom. It was seeming as though they could get some more sleep. Merlin put Amhar in between himself and Morgana and soon went to sleep himself as he watched the two most important people in his life sleep. 

When Merlin had woken up again, he woke up to an empty bed. The baby monitor was off. He quickly made up the bed and made his way downstairs, Morgana was sat on the sofa was Amhar laying down in her arms as he sobbed. 

“He’s got a 40° fever” Morgana sighed as she stood up and rocked him. “Not wanting his milk and he’s sicked it up a couple of times. Lots of coughing”.

“Baby not well?” Merlin pouted as Morgana passed Amhar over. 

“No” Morgana sighed. “And cause of his lung condition I’m going to call 111. I’ll also get changed and pack a bag just in case they decide he’ll need to go in”.

“You not well?” Merlin said as he rocked Amhar in his arms while Morgana had gone to get changed. After Morgana had changed and packed a hospital bag, Merlin went upstairs to get himself changed while Morgana phoned 111. 

“Looks like we’re taking him in” Morgana sighed as she cupped Amhar’s head on her shoulder and rocked him. “They said to take him into Avalon City. There’s more beds and that way we can have direct links to Albion hospital”. Avalon, Camelot and the Northern Plains were in the county of Albionshire, the main county city being Albion. Albion had a large world-class famous university hospital consisting of three different main parts—an organ transplant hospital, a maternity hospital and the main hospital. While they were close to Birmingham hospital and it was high tech—AUH (Albion University Hospital) was having it’s paediatrics intensive care expanded in September 2018 so he had to go to Birmingham instead for his surgery,.  
  
The drive down to Avalon hospital wasn’t _that_ long yet was extremely tiring. Amhar cried and cried as they drove, Morgana having to sit in the back with him as Merlin drove to the hospital. 

“It’s okay sweetie” Morgana reassured him. “We’re almost there. Almost there”. Merlin parked up and loaded the buggy with snacks while Morgana took Amhar to the A&E desk to check in. 

“Hi, how can I help?” The receptionist asked. 

“Hi, my son seems to be having difficulty breathing. He seems to be rasping and seems to be shivering even though he has a high fever”.

“What’s his name?”.

“Amhar Pendragon” Morgana replied. 

The receptionist quickly registered Amhar on the system, and had seen that they had already called 111 and put a patient ID wristband on him told them to take a seat in the paediatrics waiting area. Amhar’s breathing became more and more laboured. 

“Amhar Pendragon” the nurse called as they followed her through to triage. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh sorry for the ending! 😬


	13. Chapter 13

  
**There goes my heart beating, cause you are the reason I’m loosing my sleep. Please come back now. There goes my mind racing, and you are the reason...that I’m still breathing, I’m hopeless now. I’ll climb every mountain, and swim every ocean. Just to be with you, and fix what I’ve broken. Cause I need you to see that you are the reason.**

  
_3rd November 2019_

“It’s okay sweetie, it’s okay” Morgana soothed as she paced the bedbay in children’s A+E. They had just seen a nurse in triage and she had given Amhar a bed, where they’d monitor him, take his vitals and decide on the next course of action. No nurse had come to check the tot’s vitals. He just _wouldn’t_ stop whimpering. 

“Come on, I’ll take over pacing” Merlin smiled as he stood up and took Amhar. “You should rest”. Morgana smiled gratefully and sat down in the chair. 

“I just hope he’s okay” she sighed. 

“I know” Merlin agreed. They saw a nurse coming over from the nurses center and into their cubicle. 

“I’m Keira” she smiled warmly. “And I’ll be looking after you today. So, I’ve been told Amhar seems to have come down with a cold and having trouble breathing?”.

“That’s right” Morgana confirmed. “My partner heard him whimpering over the baby monitor so went to check on him, he was crying, obviously had a cold. When I woke up I noticed he’d had trouble breathing”.

“Okay, I’ll be doing his vitals to see how he is and we can take it from there” Keira smiled. Amhar cried as they took his blood pressure, temperature and clipped the oxygen monitor onto his finger. Keira went away and soon came back with a doctor who attached an Oximeter to his toe. 

“So his oxygen levels are slightly lower than we’d like, we’re going to move him to a ward” the doctor said. “It’s just a precaution as he had diaphragmatic problems at birth. Nothing to worry too much about”. The doctor went about making arrangements leaving Merlin and Morgana alone with the baby. 

“They’re admitting him” Merlin sighed. “He’s being admitted”.

“I know” Morgana sighed. “I know”.

“Looks like we need to make some arrangements”. Merlin put Amhar down on the bed and went on his phone while Morgana rocked the baby. “Seeing as we have work tomorrow. I’ll email Nimeuh, I assume you’ll be staying with him?”.

Morgana nodded. “Yeah. Oh fucking hell, uh this is a _mess_. I suppose you could get me some things from home if that’s okay?”.

“Of course” Merlin agreed. “Text me a list of what you need. Should I start heading back now? Or after lunch?”.

“Do you mind grabbing me something from the cafe?” Morgana asked. “I’m bloody starving”. 

“Coffee?” Merlin asked. 

“Can’t believe you actually had to ask” Morgana scoffed. “Always need coffee. And some vegan Mac n cheese”. Lunch was eaten next to the bed, they tried to feed Amhar some but he just lay there sadly resting his head on Morgana’s shoulder, drinking a little bit of his formula but not much. 

“I guess I’ll go get some things from home then” Merlin sighed as he ruffled Amhar’s head. Morgana was lying in the bed cradling the sleeping baby, he wouldn’t settle unless he knew either Merlin or Morgana were near him. 

“Here’s the list” Morgana quickly got out Merlin’s phone and began to write them down on notes. “Pot noodle. Decent coffee and tea. _My_ pillow. Those porridge pots, I gotta eat. Nappies, baby milk, I dunno if they’ll provide formula now he’s over one. Get me some leggings and pyjamas too would be nice but don’t worry too much. Baby bodysuits, baby grows. His squeaky eggs, blanket, bat and bunny. My AirPods. Don’t forget the phone charger. I think that’s all, I’ll let you know”.

“Okay, let me know if there’s anything else you need” Merlin said as he hugged his fiancé and the baby. “I love you. Stay safe”.

“I love you too” Morgana replied as she kissed him. “See you soon. Take care love”.

“You too” Merlin smiled as he began to walk back to the car park. 

Morgana only had to wait for around half an hour before Amhar was moved over to a ward, with him in the pram still hooked up to some machines that the nurses had wheeled they made their way to the paediatric ward. Morgana hadn’t been to the paediatric ward in Avalon city, Amhar was still little and they had cots for the under two’s, yet she did think that the bed next to it looked rather strange. 

“Also, you have a parents room” the nurse said as she passed Morgana a keycard. “So your partner can stay overnight too. Some parents find it useful to have a rest while we watch the child, and he’ll have twenty-four hour care”.

“Thank you” Morgana smiled as she cradled the sleeping babe in her arms. “But I think for now I’ll stay with him. My partner can stay overnight?”.

“Yes, as it’s a double bed he can” the nurse nodded. “We’re going to keep observing him, likely having to put him on oxygen soon”.

“Oxygen! Why?” Morgana gasped as she gently ruffled his hair. 

“Just as a precaution. He’d best stay upright in bed too, as he has bronchiolitis. It isn’t anything to worry about, we see the _all_ the time” the nurse reassured her. Morgana lay Amhar in the cot as she didn’t want to accidentally harm him, watching over the rails as he slept. The day before he had been perfectly fine, only now for him to be lying in a hospital cot. She hated it. Absolutely hated it. He was a baby, he didn’t do anything wrong yet he’d still ended up like this, stuck in a hospital bed surrounded by wires. Like when he was first born, first night of his life spent curled up on his own. Once more, in a hospital cot. Looking so small and helpless. 

The nurse had shown her the kitchen for parents where she could get hot water and they had some tea, milk and biscuits for parents. They had an adults only room for if they needed a break from their child, an adolescent room (not that they’d be using it), baby and toddler play room, a sensory room and older child playroom. Given that Amhar had oxygen via wires going into his nose and was rather tired, they just stayed on the ward. 

“Do they have TVs?” Morgana asked the nurse. She’d tried to entertain Amhar, yet he just was _too_ _tired_ to do so. He’d watched some CBeebies on her phone, yet it was low on battery and she needed it to contact Merlin. 

“Not in the high dependency unit, although I can get you a DVD player if you like?”.

“High dependency unit!” Morgana gasped. It all now made sense. Only two beds being on the ward. The _unusual_ clinical-ness of it. The christmas tree already being up on the nurses desk. Having constant supervision. The parents room. It all just made sense. 

“Just a precaution as he’s on oxygen” the nurse reassured her. “I’ll go get you that DVD player, anything in particular he liked to watch?”.

Morgana shook her head and looked down at her phone. She needed to text Merlin, he was taking a _while_. ‘ _Bed 24. Be quick. Also, you can stay the night as we have a parents room_ ’ she texted him. Merlin came back at around four, almost an hour after she texted him. 

“Took your time” Morgana snorted. “Where were you? He’s on oxygen, you can stay overnight as we have a parents room. Take turns in shifts”.

“Okay, there was a reason I am late” Merlin admitted as he put all the bags down. “I found everything, eventually. But there’s also something else”.

“Oh yeah?” Morgana smirked, yet was rather annoyed. He _knew_ she’d be worried. “What is it?”.

“Morgana Pendragon” Merlin said as he got down on one knee and took a small black box out his pocket. “We have been through a lot together. Death, murders, poisoning, kids. And I know, we decided on a whim and no lovey-dovey stuff, but I couldn’t stop myself. If it wasn’t for that car crash, if it wasn’t for you and Amhar coming here to this hospital those six months ago, none of this would have happened”. 

“Merlin” Morgana gasped with a giggle. 

“It always comes back to this” Merlin smiled. “Will you marry me?”.

“You already know the bloody answer!” Morgana snorted with tears in her eyes. Merlin slid the ring on her finger and they kissed and embraced each other, Amhar happily grinning and laughing at the sight. 

“How is he?” Merlin asked. 

Morgana smiled and slightly sighed. “He’s getting there. He’s getting there”. Amhar lay back and smiled at his parents as they gave him a bottle of milk. They’d seen it in his eyes, he’d be alright. The doctor had confirmed that his oxygen levels had gone up, so he was likely to be released soon, although because of his lungs being underdeveloped they were being cautious. 

“I can’t believe that you actually proposed to me on the high dependency ward” Morgana chuckled as they went into their room. 

“Me neither” Merlin agreed. “But I didn’t know it was the high dependency ward”.

“I didn’t either” Morgana sighed. “I did think it was unusually clinical, and was slightly surprised with there only being two beds on the ward _and_ having constant supervision. At first I thought it was because of the adoption and whatnot, yet having a nurses desk there just _didn’t make sense_. Neither did the Christmas tree, I mean sorry for being a Scrooge but it’s November!”.

“I get you. But they just want to bring some cheer, I suppose” Merlin shrugged. 

“Well, there are plenty of ways to bring cheer” Morgana smirked as she walked up to Merlin. 

“I know” Merlin agreed as he locked the bedroom door. He quickly undid his belt and placed it on the bed as he pulled down his trousers. 

“Well, let’s do this” Morgana smirked. She quickly unzipped her hoodie and removed her t-shirt, tossing it over Merlin’s shoulder as he took off his trousers. He turned her around so that she was facing the wall as he began to hump her. Merlin couldn’t stop himself from letting out a small moan. 

“Shh” Morgana hissed as she turned around and pressed her lips upon his. She could feel herself getting wet. 

“But I won’t be able to pull out” Merlin hissed. 

“Damn the consequences” Morgana declared as he entered her. 

As they lay in bed later that night, they had begun to think about it. Normally they would use condoms, although they _had_ gone without a few times. 

“You don’t have anything, do you?” Morgana asked. 

“What do you mean?” Merlin frowned. 

“Like, any STD’s, right?” Morgana checked. 

“No, why?” Merlin asked. 

“Cause we have gone without condoms quite a few times now, so I’m just checking”.

“Are you on anything? The pill?”.

“Nope” Morgana said popping the p. “Ain’t got time for that shit stuff. Is there any particular method you want to use?”.

“I don’t like condoms that much” Merlin admitted. “So ‘natural’ planning”.

“Okay, sounds good” Morgana agreed. “But, I think from now on, we should _try_ to be more careful”.

* * *

_6th November 2019_

  
After spending one night on the high dependency unit, Amhar was sent home. Like most kids did when ill, he bounced back to himself pretty quick but Morgana had decided to stay off work for the week to look after him before sending him back to nursery. This gave her and Merlin _a lot_ of time to go through their options for the wedding, and who they would have as their witnesses. Later that evening once Merlin and his parents had finished work, they would be having a FaceTime call. 

“Ready for this?” Merlin asked with a grin. 

Morgana nodded and held Amhar close to her. “Let’s do this”.

Merlin propped his phone up on the table against the wall, hitting the FaceTime button and the phone began to ring. 

“Merlin!” Balinor grinned. “What a nice surprise. And your girlfriend is here too. Hunith, Merlin’s _finally_ graced us with his presence”.

“Ooh, about time!” Hunith could be heard shouting on the other end of the phone. 

“Calm down mum” Merlin chuckled. 

“Aw, the baby and your girlfriend are here” Hunith grinned. “Well, is there a reason that you’re calling?”.

“We have some news” Morgana grinned. 

“You’re pregnant?” Balinor asked. 

“No, no” Morgana huffed indignantly and pulled her hoodie around her midsection. “Merlin, would you like to do the honours?”.

“As I’ve told you, Amhar’s adoption finalisation is on the sixteenth, next weekend. Well, we also have some news” Merlin grinned. 

“Go on then, what is it?” Balinor asked. 

“We’ve decided to get married” Morgana grinned. “We’re eloping, and we’d love you two to be our witnesses”.

“Oh my gosh!” Hunith shrieked. “Yes! We’d love that!”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone! Can’t believe it’s 2021, let’s hope this year will be better than the last!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding shopping!

  
**Happiness hit her like a train on a track. Coming towards her, stuck still, no coming back. She hid around a corner and she hid under beds. With every bubble she sank with a drink and washed it away down the kitchen sink. The dog days are over. The dog days are done. The horses are coming so you’d better run. Run fast for your mother run fast for your father, run for your children for your sisters and brothers. Leave all your love and longing behind you, can’t carry it with you if you want to survive. The dog days are over. The dog days are done. Can’t you hear the horses cause here they come. And I never wanted anything from you except everything you had, and what was left after that too, oh**

_8th November 2019_

“Okay, so this is our last weekend of freedom” Merlin grinned. “Any plans for it?”.

“Wedding shopping!” Morgana squealed. “You invited your parents round, right?”.

“The idea was to babysit Amhar” Merlin scoffed. “But yeah, I guess they can come with us. Where we headed to?”.

“Avalon shopping centre” Morgana decided. “I need my dress, you need your suit. Let’s see what we can get for Christmas presents too”.

“I forgot about that!” Merlin exclaimed. “Shit. What should I get you?”.

“Surprise me” Morgana winked. “Rather like a new coat maybe. You?”.

“Surprise me” Merlin shrugged. “So what do you want for the wedding? Something old, something new”.

“Something borrowed and something blue” Morgana completed. “New thing is my wedding dress, old thing are my shoes that I wore to Arthur and Gwen’s wedding”.

“They still fit?” Merlin teased. 

“Hey!” Morgana faked offence. “I’m only twenty-five, they got married when I was sixteen. Don’t you fit into your old clothes still?”.

“Only some” Merlin admitted. “Old t-shirts from concerts. What’s the something blue?”.

“Wait” Morgana winked. “You’ll have to wait. It’s only a week”.

“ _Only a week_!” Merlin retorted. “A lot can happen in a week. Heck even overnight”.

“Enough with the guilt tricking” Morgana laughed. “You can patiently _wait_. I mean, if you think that wait is bad then wait until how much you’ll be waiting...if we’re going to be trying to conceive you have to wait two whole weeks for a pregnancy test followed by two months for a scan!”.

“I’ve been thinking about that” Merlin smiled fondly. “Kids I mean”.

“What about them?” Morgana asked with a smile. 

“I mean, I don’t know about you but I want kids at some point. Two or three maybe”.

“Me too” Morgana agreed. “Well technically I want three, but we have Amhar too so two more. Well that’s the idea for now”.

“What do you think about, you know. Trying for a baby?” Merlin asked. 

“I’m open to the idea” Morgana smiled. “Ideally after we get married would be good. I mean we’re basically not using contraception anyway, so something might’ve happened. Or maybe in the new year, just taking things slowly for now”.

“Amhar would be around fifteen months when we start trying”.

“Two years is the perfect age gap for siblings” Morgana agreed. “I mean for now, we can just wait and see if anything happens, but if not in the new year I think proper trying to conceive, you know tracking it all and whatnot would be an option”.

“Let’s do this” Merlin grinned. “Let’s start a family”.

* * *

_14th November 2019_

In the end, Hunith and Balinor went shopping with Merlin and Morgana, so that they could help them out with their choices and look after Amhar. The day had gone nicely and everybody had chosen their outfits for the combined wedding and adoption day which was getting more exciting the nearer it drew. There was also the close of the 2010s decade as the 2020s would begin, alongside the most important year of Merlin and Morgana’s life. Even though they _did_ meet in 2017, over the years life had thrown things at them again and again, while they did have their separation they were now pretty much inseparable so there was no point in waiting for the inevitable; marriage. They’d be starting the new decade with marriage and a view of expanding their family, given that they already had a little family after taking Amhar in. 

This would also be their first Christmas together. When they’d begun to date, by Christmas time they had only been together for two months so it was rather soon, they didn’t do presents and it coincided with the time their memories came back and Morgana being ‘poisoned’ again. So this Christmas would be rather different, yet a good different. Morgana had somehow managed to put off her planning, normally she would want to start her Christmas planning as soon as Halloween and Bonfire night were out of the way—so luckily she had a wedding to plan so that she wouldn’t accidentally go out all crazy and buy ridiculous amounts of toys for Amhar. Merlin’s was the same, trying to resist buying every cute little thing in the shops and every toy for Amhar, they all did begin to get annoying after a while especially the light up ones, so they’d decided that now they’d get Amhar some toddler toys instead of baby toys. Everyone liked to spoil him though—his stepmother, older brothers, aunts. Either way, both Merlin and Morgana suspected that they soon might run out of room for everything. That Sunday was memorial Sunday, the eleventh being on a Monday and therefore having the school service where they would have a whole school assembly followed two minutes of silence as they walked to the headmasters lawn afterwards to lay down the poppies. 

“Well you’re cheerful aren’t you” Morgause remarked. They were both on playground duty and stood outside in the cold. Usually Morgana _hated_ it, yet today she seemed to be in an _unusually_ good mood. 

“Can’t a girl be happy?” Morgana asked as she batted her eyelashes. 

“You can” Morgause shrugged. “But this is unusually happy. Spill the beans”.

“Well, Merlin and I have made our plans for Christmas, and it doesn’t involve you” Morgana grinned. “We’re going to spend the day, in our pyjamas as a family together”.

“How rude” Morgause pouted. “Well, when can I see you then?”.

“Boxing Day?” Morgana suggested. “We were thinking of going for a walk in the Forest of Dean if you’d like to join us?”.

“That sounds good” Morgause smiled. “Dylan joining you?”.

“No” Morgana frowned. “Why would he? He’s spending the time with his adopted family. He was going to meet his girlfriend’s family but they have cousins from Canada coming over, then I think he said they’re off to Center Parcs”. 

“Well, I know Christmas this year will be great” Harriet said as she walked across the netball courts. “I mean Scarlett is ‘ _claiming_ ’ to have a boyfriend, but we have my family over from Canada coming over so we _have_ to accommodate them. Then we’re off to Center Parcs just us five”.

“We’re off to Butlins” Millie added. 

“Poor you, no trees in Butlins so no Christmas tree” Harriet grinned. “So what’re you doing Lucy?”.

“Absolutely nothing” Lucy grinned. “Staying in my pyjamas all day long”.

“She just said that she has an older sister called Scarlett” Morgause remarked. 

“Wait a sec...” Morgana laughed. “Harriet said that she has family coming over from Canada, and that she’s going to Center Parcs”.

“So Dylan’s dating Harriet?” Morgause frowned. “I mean isn’t that _illegal_! She’s fifteen!”.

“Not Harriet” Morgana laughed. “Her _sister_. She just said that she has an older sister!”.

“I didn’t know Harriet had a sister” Morgause frowned. “I mean, she didn’t come here so”.

“I think she went to The Avalon School. Harriet said she would’ve gone there but the uniform looks like a salad”.

“Can’t say I blame her” Morgause snorted. “It looks too fucking posh. She’s got a younger one too, Miles I think”.

“Yeah, he’s seven” Morgana said. “Goes to the local primary school, they live in what’s it called—Camlann”.

“Wonder if he’ll come here too” Morgause wondered. 

“John Lewis Christmas advert comes out later today” Morgana added. “I know it’ll be _great_. Think you’ll cry?”.

“Who cries at a fucking advert?” Morgause scoffed. 

“Uh, you did” Morgana laughed. “That pampers premature one, where they sing about coming home”.

“It reminded me of Amhar!” Morgause protested. 

“He wasn’t even born when it came out...” Morgana drawled. “It was out in 2017, he was born in 2018”.

“Doesn’t stop the sentimentality” Morgause snapped. “And I don’t know about you, but I think John Lewis will make us all cry like a baby tonight”.

“Can’t say I disagree” Morgana shrugged. “I’m freezing so I’ll head inside, you coming?”.

“Nope, going for a fag” Morgause decided. Morgana went inside and sat down at her desk, going through her lesson plans for the afternoon. 

“Got any plans for this weekend?” Sefa asked as she leant on the door. 

“Pretty busy actually” Morgana smiled. “It’s official adoption day for Amhar, so we’re going to the court with Merlin’s parents”.

“Fair enough” Sefa shrugged. “I was planning on going to Oxford Street, was wondering if you want to come, but seeing as you already have plans”.

“Maybe next time” Morgana smiled sympathetically. 

“Yeah” Sefa nodded. “You free next weekend?”.

“I _should_ be” Morgana checked her calendar. “Obviously sickness permitting, provided no one picks anything up”.

Later true night, Morgana was stood in the master bedroom of her home with Amhar. She had all of her wedding things laid out on the bed—her something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. Amhar had a long-sleeves bodysuit shirt and some grey dungaree trousers from Mothercare, given that they were closing down and had a lot of clothes in the sale going rather reasonably priced, especially the more smarter things, Merlin and Morgana had bought quite a few things for Amhar from there. 

She quickly put away her dress and took Amhar down to the kitchen where Merlin was making dinner. 

“Well, I’ll check YouTube to see if it’s out yet” Morgana said. “And it is!” She added with a squeal. Merlin left their noodles to cook and went over to the living room, Morgana had the advert on her phone and Amhar was playing. 

“Oh my gosh, look! So cute” Merlin squealed as the advert began to play. 

“Look Amhar! A dragon!” Morgana added as they all sat together to watch it. 

“Well, it’s officially Christmas time” Merlin remarked as the advert ended. 

“Not yet” Morgana grinned. “Not yet. We have the wedding first, and the beginning of I’m a celebrity”.

“I wonder who’s in it this year, let’s see” Merlin quickly googled the list of celebrities that would be going into the jungle that year. “Caitlin Jenner”.

“That’ll be interesting” Morgana remarked. 

“Ian Wright. Ew Arsenal”.

“Ew” Morgana agreed as she scrunched up her nose. 

“Nadine Coyle, never heard of her”.

“Omg, she’s from girls aloud!” Morgana exclaimed. 

“Myles Stevenson never heard of, Adele roberts again never heard of, Andrew Maxwell, Jacqueline Jossa”. 

“Oh yeah she was in East Enders” Morgana commented. 

“Roman Kemp”.

“He’s gorgeous” Morgana smiled. 

“Hey!” Merlin scowled. “James Haskell and Kate Garraway”.

“Well I’m team Roman kemp for now” Morgana grinned. “But let’s see how it goes”.

“Only two more days to go” Merlin remarked as they sat at the dinner table. 

“Indeed” Morgana agreed. “Just two days. Ready for the next chapter in life?”.

“I sure am” Merlin grinned. “Are you?”.

“Can’t believe you bloody had to ask!” Morgana laughed. “Of course I am!”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I searched it up (as I tend to do) and the Avalon school is real (in America instead of England and a boys only!) which I found rather funny as I found a similar nursery too. Thank you so much to everyone who has left kudo’s, reviews and followed along! Here’s to 2021 and hoping it’ll be better. Part 5 is called STAGES OF PROGRESS and will be out on Monday!


End file.
